It Just Is
by et cetera et cetera
Summary: It's useless to prove things that aren't even tangible. It's useless to hold on to grudges for long. It's useless to resist change. It's useless to be in love. But it's one hell of a shot to try. SxF
1. Make Way for Baby

**Disclaimer:** I own nothing that's associated with Cowboy Bebop. The big guys solely own it at Sunrise Inc.

* * *

**Chapter I : _Make Way for Baby_**

**_  
_**

I was in Hell. And from all the things I heard about the pain being so excruciating, I celebrate those people for being right. I could feel it all around me, lapping over and over throughout my body, taunting at my state of weakness and dying over and over wouldn't do justice to this pain. Sure, I've gotten shot before, jumped off buildings and rolled out of cars, even getting my head smashed into a brick wall. But this, this is something that I swore I would never _ever_ do in my long life.

I was having a baby. And I hated this. Sitting here, on this hospital bed, I had too many emotions going through me. I was tired, angry, scared, excited, vulnerable, happy, sad and bewildered beyond any reasoning. I've been in labor for the past five hours and to say the least, I haven't been the most pleasant person to be around. My back felt like an elephant has sat it on, the contractions have been getting worse and closer in the past thirty minutes and I've already bit through my tongue because of a certain person.

There were sounds all around me in the birthing room, but I was mainly concentrating on breathing. Faintly, I heard the doctor talking to me about something. I blinked and stared at him as he was looking at me expectantly.

"Sorry, what did you say?"

He smiled at me. "I said that you've now dilated to ten centimeters. You're almost ready, just a minute more," he said and I bit my lip as I felt another contraction surge through me.

"Shit, why can't I be ready _now_!" My grip on the railing tightened not only because of the pain but because I heard that stupid deep chortle coming from that stupid man standing next to me.

"Darling." His sarcasm didn't have to be concealed and I whipped my head around to glare at him. "It's just like you to be impatient, isn't it?" He followed his remark with a smirk that I wanted to smack right off his face.

My blood was boiling and though I already got over the feeling of humility in having him look at me like this, I was starting to gather all the hatred deep inside me for him. I controlled my breathing and swallowed a biting remark.

"Give me your hand, Spike," I said and whether he complied or not, I grabbed his hand anyway just as another contraction came. I kept my eyes on his face as I squeezed hard and watched as his left eye started to twitch. I narrowed my eyes at him. "I hate you for doing this to me you asshole." I squeezed harder. "I hope you rot in hell Spike." And squeezed harder.

Spike kept calm and instead of scowling like he's been doing for the whole duration of my banter, he grinned lopsidedly and said, "I'll meet you there, Faye."

I opened my mouth to retort but the doctor intercepted and we both turned to look at him as he beamed at me. "Okay Faye, I can see the baby's head now. Be ready to push when I tell you!"

I gaped at him. "What! Now! Wait, I'm not ready!" I exclaimed but Doctor Obisky just smiled at me.

"Hypocrite," I heard Spike mutter and I glared at him.

"Shut the hell up!" I shouted at him. His face regained that stoic expression.

"Faye, you're going to have to start now, alright? Now, I want you to give a big starting push," the doctor said and I took a deep breath. And pushed.

I was sure that I let out a very unladylike shriek, but I didn't care. I was wrong about the contractions being the killer here; it was the pushing that was a bitch. And I was starting to kick myself for not getting any painkillers.

"Very good sweetheart, now push again!"

My grip on Spike's hand tightened again, but I didn't think he minded. I glanced at him but he didn't look at me to surely scold me for my harming the much-needed piece of his limb. The look on his face was a mix of shock and weariness, like he was seeing something he didn't want to but couldn't look away from it.

The doctor told me to push again and I did, wishing that the baby would just slide out of me. To me, it felt as if I was giving birth to a watermelon two sizes too big. It hurt, but now my feelings of anger and extreme pain started dissipating. My heart was starting to thump erratically in anticipation of this child and to my amazement I was even accepting the pain happily. Because right now all I could think about was this baby and all these maternal thoughts were taking over my old ones of singleness.

Over the past nine months they have been developing, but as it was actually happening now, they're starting to come to me tenfold and the feeling now is of a rush of happiness at a new beginning, a new challenge. Of course I was once notoriously known for taking on a challenge worth my while, but this was something that I really put forth my heart in.

"Okay, the head is starting to crown. Just two more big pushes and you're done."

My head was somewhere else, but I did as I was told mechanically, this time almost numb to the pain. As a bounty hunter, I've always had this way of redirecting my focus off the pain so I could get the job done. And if it could work then, I'm pretty sure it could work now. Sweat was coming off me by the gallons and I knew I didn't look anything near beautiful. My water had broken in the middle of the night and between not having any make-up on and lack of sleep, I probably looked like a monster. But who cared? It wasn't as if I was trying to impress someone . . . such as a fuzzy haired baboon standing next to me looking equally ridiculous in a hospital gown.

"This is your last push, dear. Make it a big one."

Finally, my head became clear enough to gather all my strength and a lot of air to push. After thirty seconds, I felt my cavity finally clear out and ten seconds later I heard the sweet shrill of a baby crying. I relaxed my body and blew out a puff of air, in an attempt to remove the hair plastered to my forehead. My breaths were still coming out hard, but at least it was all over.

Doctor Obisky was smiling so big as he held in his arms a tiny pink baby crying out the new use of its lungs. I wondered for a second how exactly out of it I was in the past minute for him to cut off the umbilical cord without my notice. "Congratulations you two, it's a healthy baby girl!" he exclaimed and if under different circumstances, I would have inwardly mused in a non-friendly way the reason for his zeal.

But I didn't have time to reflect on him as a new sudden thought flashed into my mind. The reality caught up and before I knew it, I felt my mouth stretch into a wide smile as I let out an airy sob, soaking in the new life form five feet away from me. I've done it. The most hardest and painful thing I could ever do in my life was done. And there were absolutely no regrets involved as I dazedly watched the doctor turn away to hand the baby over to the nurses.

A baby. A new being in this cruel world for me to care over, to flood into the spacious gap of my small heart. Though I had someone new to care for beside myself, I took a vow this moment to be one hundred and ten percent obligated to this little girl. My daughter. As if on cue, I heard a scratchy "Ahem" from above me and I glanced upwards, my mind making a mental amendment to my previous ponderings.

_Our _daughter.

"Hey," Spike's voice was abnormally void of derision and I blinked up at him. My senses that had abandoned me decided to come back and I suddenly felt an unequal balance of warmth between my hands. I glanced down, realizing that my left hand was still latched onto his. I swiftly took it out of his grasp as a blush started to roam over my face. I bit my lip and hoped to the Gods that he didn't notice.

"You okay?" Though he hadn't taken a big leap from indifference for my well being to sudden concern relating to that of a loved one, he did seem to let on that he cared enough to ask a mundane question regarding my health. Something jolted in my heart almost resembling anguish, but I disregarded it, rationalizing it to be the desire for Spike to be more thoughtful with his words, and the verity that it was _Spike_ whom I was rationalizing over.

I looked away from his two-toned mahogany eyes in fear that unwanted feelings were starting to creep out of their hiding places. "I will be," I said and diverted my attention from Spike to the opposite side of the hospital room where the nurses were busy cleaning up my baby and wrapping her up in a pink blanket. I grinned at the very feminine color of it, wondering briefly if Spike would grimace at it.

Suddenly there was a bundle of pink laid into my awaiting arms, and I humored myself for the fact that they were longing for this tiny weight nestled against my slightly swollen chest. For a quick second I was in horror because I didn't know what to do. But soon enough the maternal instincts came into play and my eyes roamed over the new gift I held. Gift . . . that's the only thing I can say about her.

Her eyes were closed and the thrill of not knowing what color her eyes would be excited me. There was tuft of dark hair swirled on top of her head, the color concealed due to the fluid not fully cleaned off. As my eyes trailed downwards over her tiny pink-splotched face, I smiled softly at her tiny nose, the discerning point of its tip confirming that she had gotten it from her father. Her diminutive mouth was contorted in the act of releasing infant noises. I pulled back her blanket and scrutinized the rest of her body, roaming over her writhing body as I quickly counted her fingers and limbs, satisfied when I counted twenty in all. I covered her back up and sighed, feeling an alien sense of motherly love washing over me. I didn't push it away either; instead, I gathered her into my arms more, wanting nothing more than to forever protect her from the hazards in this world.

I was so engrossed in looking at every new detail of the baby that when Spike spoke, his voice nearly scared me half to death. "She's something else, isn't she?"

I looked up at him and new, somewhat unpleasant thoughts traded with the nice, warm ones. The uncertainty of his compassion was a big issue, and though I didn't want to have to deal it, things like this never stayed concealed. There were a million different possibilities concerning our new daughter, and I wasn't willing to take any chances concerning her safety. It really disturbed me that in all the nine months given to us to discuss this situation, neither one of us took any time to talk it over. And here I was now, glowering over what was to become of all of us in the near future.

I shoved those thoughts out of my head for now and focused on the fact that Spike's head was leaned too close to mine, but he wasn't quite aware of it as I was. Instead, he was busy studying our daughter, a genuine smile on his face I was so sure would never see the light of day. There was slight movement coming from him as he held his finger out to her. She grasped it willingly and it amazed me at how her whole hand could wrap around Spike's index finger, making her being seem so small compared to him. She was making cooing noises now and it almost made me cry at how gentle he was treating her. It was almost as if some new man had replaced the Spike I was so accustomed to, someone new who actually had a heart.

We stayed that way for a little while more, leaving all pretenses aside and focusing both of our attention towards our newborn. Neither one of us had spoken a word to each other, and though we both knew we had a long conversation awaiting this certain moment was too sincere for me or Spike to ruin it. The infant was the only reason why we were anything but angry or annoyed with each other, and I just wasn't ready for awkwardness to sweep in and assimilate the warmth in the air around us. For this short time I had a twinge in my heart, forcing me to admit that I truly felt like we were a family.

Just like every past good thing in my life, this feeling would have to be squashed, and soon enough it came when our baby fell asleep. The reminder of sleep started making me exhausted and although I fought against my will, I couldn't stop the yawn from slipping out of my mouth. Spike had noticed and gazed at me not heatedly, even going as far as setting his hand on my drooped shoulder.

"You should get some sleep, Faye."

I wanted to protest in fear of having to be separated from my baby, but I looked up at Spike and somehow the apprehension diminished knowing that he was here to protect her. I finally nodded and felt a new pair of hands coming and taking my child out of my arms. I resisted the urge to grab her back into my chest, but fatigue was starting to overcome my senses and I couldn't even muster up the strength to lift a finger. I watched the nurse walk away with the baby to the nursing room. I turned to look at Spike, noticing for the first time that he too looked like he had the shit beaten out of him and refrained from insulting him, knowing well that I didn't look far off from him. He was looking at me as if I was on my deathbed. Care didn't really associate well when it came to Spike, and I halfheartedly wondered if his own exhaustion was making him lose his inhibition.

I bit my lip and shifted in the bed, wincing with a strong curse as I felt my lower body gasp at the strain. Spike's face contorted into alertness as his eyes roamed over my body and I felt my face start to burn up again.

"Are you hurt?"

I was going to answer him but Doctor Obisky's voice once again interrupted our not-so-quite conversation. "She's okay. A little soreness around the area, but that is perfectly normal. What Ms. Valentine needs here is lots of rest and time to regain her strength, then she'll be A-Okay." He smiled at me then turned to frown at Spike. "As for you," he said, pointing a gloved hand at Spike, "you need some rest yourself, Spike. You look like you've been through hell and back again!"

I couldn't help myself from muttering, "You have no idea." Spike looked at me and quirked an eyebrow at me, perhaps at my sudden strength for making comments about him. I waited for him to say something scathing, but he said the opposite.

"I'm going to find Jet and Ed and some coffee. I want you to get some rest, okay?" He was already starting to walk away from the bed, due to the doctor's tugging. I nodded at him and as I watched him walk out of the door, he paused and said something so soft I strained to hear him. "I'll come back later. Don't worry Faye, I'll watch over her."

My head was cleared of the worries that were lingering around, about whether or not Spike actually cared about his new child. And it smoothed over the rough edges, making my rest a lot easier. But before I fell dead to the world, one last thought was circulating in my head.

We haven't named her yet.

* * *

Spike shoved his hands in his pockets as he strolled towards the waiting room. The hospital hadn't lost its business as there were sounds going on all around him, each one vying to distract him from his thinking. Spike didn't have it though and kept his introspective trek to the big waiting room. Besides, there was one too many thoughts in his head that he couldn't decide which one wouldn't add to the forming headache behind his eyes. 

But one thought _was_ prevalent in Spike's mind and it was about his new child. _Child. _Spike Spiegel was a _father. _The angels above were surely laughing now at this new and uncanny situation at hand. Somewhere far off in his mind he had been thinking about having kids one day, but that was before when he didn't have everything to lose. And that was when he was with Julia. But suffice to say, Julia really wasn't one who had the need for a distraction in her life, much less a child. Still, Spike couldn't help those fantasies from emerging when they were together.

When he had found out that Faye was pregnant, he was surprised at the fact that he _hadn't_ been shocked beyond belief. He always had suspicion of the possibility that Faye could've been pregnant ever since he left her bedroom that one murky morning. Unprotected sex always has consequences and they had just received theirs twenty minutes ago. Maybe he had thought that Faye's reproduction parts had been tampered with when she was cryogenically frozen, but if it worked for all parts of her anatomy, it should've worked for her inside parts too. And anyway, if it didn't, she would've been dead years ago.

There was no reasoning out of this one when he discovered the truth. Faye was pregnant and it was their own fault for not using any protection. If anything, the first thing Spike always wanted when it came to Faye_was_ protection. Where it was when he needed it then, it was still a mystery neatly tucked inside his dresser underneath his underwear.

For the first few months, Spike carefully weighed out his options and silently brooded over his predicament. He never planned on having a child in this life, especially with Faye; hell, he never even planned on having sex with her. But what was done was done, and he knew that there was no turning back. Right after Faye had told him, she quickly added that having an abortion was simply out of question. Spike had half expected Faye of all people to immediately want to lose the child, but he wondered maybe she didn't because of her faint intuition of cherishing a baby's life from before her life before. But he wondered himself now if he would ever feel these new and strange feelings of compassion if his new baby wasn't involved.

Looking back on those anxious months filled with more arguments and an even more moody Faye, Spike realized that they never took out even one hour out of the 8760 freely given to them that whole year to talk about what was going to happen. He briefly thought that Faye just didn't _want_ to talk about it because she was too wary of what Spike had to say. True, he didn't exactly help out much often to make her pregnancy easier to deal with, but that was partly because he felt as if Faye shunned him from having to do anything with the baby. As if he would bring bad luck or something. He rolled his eyes at her stubbornness. Maybe if she asked him, she would have found out that Spike actually did want to have a big part in his child's life. This was probably the only true grasp of reality he would ever have, and he wanted to embrace it for all it was worth.

Finally after his pondering, he found himself walking into the bright waiting room where there was an accumulating number of families anxiously waiting for their new arrivals. He scanned the room until he spotted skinny limbs sprawled all across the hospital chairs that he presumed to be very uncomfortable. But Ed always slept anywhere and everywhere, so he didn't think much of her position. Spike found her head laying on Jet's lap and he raised an amused brow as he made his way towards them. Jet was reading the Jupiter Times, probably to catch up on what's been happening on his home planet.

Spike was now standing behind them and he smirked. "Seems that you've adopted more fatherly sentiments, Jet," he said and watched his friend briefly tense before turning the page.

"Soon enough Spike, your words will come back to bite you in the ass."

Spike walked around the bench and sat down next to Jet. He felt a bit more comfortable, only to be off his feet. He let out a breath and Jet put down the newspaper, looking at him anxiously. Spike glanced at him and felt his lips quirk up at Jet's excitement. "She made it out okay."

Jet's excitement couldn't be concealed anymore as his mouth spread into a wide smile and he laughed deeply, clapping Spike on his shoulder. "I'm so happy for you two! Wow, a baby girl. As if we didn't have enough women on the ship, here comes another one rearing in."

Spike didn't answer and just nodded, leaning his head back. He needed a cigarette.

"So when can we see her?"

Spike looked at his watch and sat up again. "Actually, we can go see her now. Is Ed coming?" He sent a wary glance towards her when suddenly she sprang up and started clapping merrily.

"Ed wants to see the new Tomato that Faye-Faye and Spike-person made!" she exclaimed and much to both men's dismay, got up and started doing cartwheels. Most of the other people in the room eyed her with a scornful look.

Spike and Jet shared a familiar glance before getting up and followed Ed down the corridor towards the nursery room. The walk was quiet except for the humming noises Ed made accompanied with a flapping of her arms to resemble a plane. When they reached the window of the room, they stopped and stood in front of it where several fathers were waiting for their new children.

Spike skimmed the room until he found a pink bundle labeled "Valentine". He pointed in her direction. "Do you see her?"

Jet nodded and smiled as he gazed at the new baby. Ed's face was plastered onto the glass as she made "oohing" and "ahhing" noises. They stayed that way until Ed unstuck her face and looked up at Spike, pointing at her. "Have you and Faye named the Tomato yet?"

Realization hit Spike like a bat and he shook his head, giving a helpless shrug. "No, I guess not. We didn't exactly talk it over," he said. Ed went back to ogling over the baby but Jet turned around and pointedly looked at Spike.

"If I recall, I've never heard you two talk much about this."

Spike shrugged again and just stared at the baby. "If you haven't noticed, Faye and I aren't ones to hold a civil conversation about anything really," he replied and Jet frowned.

"Spike, this isn't something that you two can avoid for much longer. I mean, you two are too stubborn to do anything that doesn't require screaming, but this is your _daughter_ we're talking about. You need plans, you need money, you need a damn commitment, Spike," he chided loudly. When they started receiving strange looks Jet lowered his voice. "You're not going to run away from this, are you?" he asked skeptically and Spike sent him a bewildered look.

"No." He sighed and looked back towards his sleeping daughter. "Even if I did, the guilt would be too much."

"I've never known you to have guilt in the time I've known you . . . ever."

Spike smirked and reached into his pocket for his trustworthy pack. He started to pull out a cigarette when Jet glared at him and Spike stopped, remembering that they were in a hospital. Sighing again in defeat, he shoved it back in its place and settled on placing his hands in his pocket.

"I'm not going to be selfish about this, Jet. I won't run because of my damn woes. I couldn't do that to my kid . . . to Faye," he added softly and avoided Jet's look because he knew what he would find and he didn't like it.

His companion coughed and returned his gaze to the baby. "How is she?"

"She's sleeping. A little sore, but she'll be all right. This _is_ Faye we're talking about."

"Spike," Jet's apprehensive tone made Spike a little curious and he turned to Jet.

"Yeah?"

"You two . . . are things going to change between you guys?" he asked and Spike scoffed at the absurdity of the question. Things have already been changing ever since that night.

"That's the understatement of the year." He shrugged. "I honestly don't know what's going to happen, Jet. I guess we're just going to have to see where things lead us. But just to set things straight, I'm not going anywhere."

Jet's laughter was something that Spike didn't expect. He turned his head and watched Jet subdue his chuckles and waited for an explanation. He didn't quite see how his seriousness was amusing to Jet.

Jet shook his head and smiled at Spike. "I'm sorry. I'm just laughing because of how ridiculous this whole thing is."

"Come again?" Spike asked warily.

"I mean, you and Faye. You guys are the two most stubborn people I know in the galaxy and just to make things even more uncanny, two people who can't stand each other, much less kids. How this all came to be, I do not want to know, Spike," Jet said, which led to Spike re-evaluating his actions the one night he let his guard down along with his pretense of indifferent emotions towards Faye.

"Believe me, Jet. You really don't want to know. But you want to know something? Some God-awful truth I hate to admit?" he asked and Jet looked at him questioningly.

"I wasn't drunk that night we were together."


	2. New Life, New Hope, New Evil

**Disclaimer: **Standard rules apply.

* * *

**Chapter II : _New Life, New Hope, New Evil_**

**  
**

When I woke up, I felt so much better than I had a few hours ago. Though I felt sticky and dirty from sweat, my body had most of the soreness taken off. As I took a deep breath, I immediately felt that something was missing and realized with dark humor that I had the urge for my baby in my arms. I sat up and looked around the hospital room, noticing that it was bright, even though the blinds weren't open. I then glanced at the clock above the t.v. and saw that it was close to noon. I sighed and looked around again, taking in my surroundings, noting that I had been moved to a recovery room.

I started picking at my hospital bracelet out of boredom and just as I was about to buzz in my nurse, Dr. Obisky strolled in with a clipboard and a big smile on his face. I felt my eyebrow lift with the thought him being in the hospital probably all night and all day. He must've taken narcotics or something, because I couldn't possibly be cheery after staying up all night – even with caffeine.

Dr. Obisky looked up and smiled wide when he saw me watching him. "Oh, good afternoon, Faye! How're you feeling?" he asked as he proceeded to do the routine check-up.

I stifled a yawn and smiled sluggishly at him. "I've been better, but I'm doing pretty good. Where's my baby?" I hoped that my question didn't come too quick and anxious-sounding.

He pulled the stethoscope off his ears. "She's in the nursery, but she'll be coming in soon so you can start nursing her. I'll go tell the nurse right now, since I'm done with your check-up and your health is outstanding," he told me as he took his clipboard and wrote some things down before making his way towards the door. Just as he was about to turn the doorknob, he looked back at me. "Would you like me to tell Spike that he can come in now?"

I felt uneasy with the thought of Spike watching me feed our baby; as if watching me in my most un-beautiful state as I gave birth wasn't humiliating enough, I didn't exactly want him seeing me exposed like that. Even if it's in the most non-sexual way. I wasn't quite ready for him to see me partially naked…again.

"Um, no, not yet," I replied softly, and I think that the doctor understood for he didn't interrogate and just left to get the nurse.

I let out a breath and pushed back unruly strands of hair that seemingly positioned themselves in front of my face, rebelling out of their used-to-be safe bind. I was tired, but excited at this whole new prospect of motherhood. Me, a mother. Words that I once swore would never make their way across my mind. But I was also known for being a compulsive liar, and it made me wonder if I lied to myself about never wanting a future including having a life, love and a family. The love part could be considerably compromised, but now that the rest have proved themselves true despite my denials in the past, I'm actually happy about it.

When the nurse came in toting my baby, I brightened up at the reunion. Already I've been seven hours away from my daughter and the joy of seeing her again was such an astonishment to me. And as the nurse placed her into my outstretched arms, I couldn't fight the smile from creeping up. I watched my child stir awake from her nap, as if she knew to wake up in my arms.

"So you're okay with feeding her? You don't need any help, Ms. Valentine?" the nurse asked and I shook my head, not taking my eyes off the baby.

"No, I'm fine, thanks."

She nodded and smiled at me. "Alright then. Just buzz in if you need me," she said and left shortly after that, but not before adjusting the pillows behind my back so I would be more comfortable with sitting up.

When she left, my daughter let out a small cry and I sighed happily as I got her situated against my breast. The pull against me seemed to reach out towards my heart as well, because I was suddenly overcome with feelings completely new to me. And it was then that I realized my whole life was changed. I couldn't be that same Faye Valentine everyone once knew. I couldn't continue calling myself a _Romany_ and acting like some young – regarding my _current_ state – vixen who didn't have someone else to care for. I couldn't continue to habitually gamble and throw away my money with a snap of my fingers when I now needed to do the opposite. I couldn't keep up this act that my heart couldn't take in another soul. And though my body would regain its striking physique, I _certainly_ couldn't go back to wearing that gaudy yellow outfit.

"Oh, what a prude you've made me to be," I jokingly scolded my daughter. In a way, I was kinda glad that she would make these changes in me. I've since decided that I wasn't too fond of my life when I started having another being living in me, and now that I've continuously ran it through my head like a water mill, change could sometimes be good.

When she finished feeding with a tiny burp, I settled her more comfortably in my arms as she faded back into sleep. She was so beautiful when she slept; innocent and unlike both of her parents, she had a life that was willing to give her all things good. At least, I was going to make sure of it.

As my eyes swept over her, I noticed that her hair was green and smirked.

"Don't you take all of your father's features. Not that he's not good-looking or anything, - God shoot me for just saying that - I just want you to have some of my good qualities too. Hopefully you'll grow to have a woman's body." I laughed and gently stroked her little face, falling in love with the soft feel of her baby skin. This definitely was a change for the better. It was weird, but this was something that I was looking forward to adapting to. Spike on the other hand…

I sighed and felt that same wariness come across me in a heavy blanket, tucking in the edges that left little room to breathe. "I hope your father will get it through his thick and stupid head that he now has a huge responsibility. I don't want him to make empty promises about sticking around and then when things get tough he just gets up and makes a break for it. You know what that would do to you? To me?" I bit my lip and brought took a hold of her tiny hand.

"But you know, despite all my doubts, I have this odd sense of faith in him. As if…somehow I know he's going to be a real father to you. Not just someone who feeds you and changes your diaper when I ask him to, you know? I have this feeling that he'll be there to tuck you in, or to hold when you're crying. And he'll teach you his entire ridiculous fighting techniques. Which is really weird because if you knew who your father was or what he did, I doubt you'd want him caring for you when he seems to have none of that."

She moved slightly and I smiled forlornly. "I just wish Spike would have cared more about me and you when I was pregnant. Okay, I admit, I had been overly bitchy and pissed just about everyone off, but I didn't shut him out of your progressing life. And I know I should have talked to him…about you, about us, about how _he_ was feeling, but I was scared, you know? I was scared to hear what I've feared since the day I told him I was pregnant. That he could have cared less about my situation and that he wanted to have nothing to do with you.

"I felt that if I didn't know how he felt, that I could just wait until you were born so he could see how right this was – meaning you, of course. I wanted him to see that if he had left before your birth, he would see that it would have been a big mistake."

I swallowed the lump in my throat. Here I was, voicing my qualms to the person who didn't understand a word I was saying. Yet, I felt that she needed to know. Because well, it _was_ about her.

"But to be completely and painfully honest, I think the real reason I didn't talk to him was because I was too scared he would have seen how desperate I was for him to stay," I admitted softly, smirking at my stubbornness. "You have a brainless woman for a mother, did you know? You do. I mean if I think about it now, not talking to Spike had to have been the stupidest thing I could have done regarding you. Not talking to him made the chances of him leaving greater since he had no idea that I needed him around."

But did I really? If he never was supportive during my pregnancy, was it supremely worth it to have someone around who wasn't really needed? Why did I want him to stay with me if I could raise this baby all right by myself? Those were questions that I denied answering, because I was afraid of what I might actually find. Some undoing of my heart that would force me to re-assess my feelings. Feelings I didn't want to acquire…yet.

But there would come another day where I would actually think about that stuff. For now, my daughter was the only thing I needed to focus on and I realized once more that she was not yet named. As much as calling her "my baby" was sufficient enough, I doubted the hospital would allow me to name her that. And Spike needed to help me think of a name as well, if we wanted to.

Which led me to thinking about the whereabouts of him. I was sure Jet and Ed were anxious enough to have a look at her, and I was excited of seeing them too. I looked around until I found the buzz comm. on the small table next to my bed. I pushed it and waited until the nurse's familiar voice sounded through.

"Do you need something, Ms. Valentine?"

"Um, yes. You can tell Spike that he can come in now. And also Jet and Ed, if they're with him," I told her.

"Alright, dear. I'll let them know. Do you need anything else?" her kind voice was like that of a grandmother. It made me smile.

"Oh, no, I'm okay for now. I'd just really like to see them…my family," I added quietly and my eyes widened at the latter. Family was a big word with a lot of meaning behind it, and though I seemed to not care about any of them as my family before, now I felt like we were all bound together.

The nurse disconnected with me and I sat there on the hospital bed, waiting for their arrival. I took out the hair tie and combed my hand through my hair in attempt to disentangle it; seeing that was the only thing I _could_ do to enhance my appearance. I just hoped I didn't look too rugged. As I waited, I gently rocked my baby in my arms and a song suddenly appeared in my mind, some old song from Earth. It was a nursery rhyme called "You Are My Sunshine". It was supposedly a favorite of mine before, and I found it fitting to sing to my daughter. I couldn't remember the words, so I just hummed it to her while thinking of a name.

At least she was a girl, so it made the process much easier, and I already had a few names picked out for her. During my pregnancy, I wrote down a list of names for both a boy and girl. I mentally scratched out the boys list and tried to remember which names I liked for a girl.

Charlotte? It seemed too elegant for a baby who was conceived by the two most _un_-graceful people.

Laurie? Too southern. And seeing as how we didn't live in a southern part of the galaxy – if there was even such a place – it wouldn't work.

Star? No. I won't name my daughter something that is tangible…literally.

Julianne? _Definite _no. I refuse to name my daughter something that resembles someone not even worth having a namesake. And I'm pretty sure Spike would think that I was playing some sick joke on him.

I sighed and slightly felt that it wasn't right that I was naming our baby without Spike. The door opened then, and I looked up as my humming stopped and saw Ed come running in making weird airplane noises, followed by Jet and then Spike. He looked more refreshed, but probably because of the coffee he had in his hand.

Jet and Ed came towards me, but Spike hung back, staying by the door. I didn't mind him though and watched the other two gush over the baby.

"Ooh! What a pretty Tomato close up!" Ed exclaimed, as she looked the baby over.

Jet just crossed his arms, a ghost of a smile gracing his mouth. "She's beautiful, Faye," he said, his voice obviously neglecting to hide the emotions he was trying so hard not to show, and I inwardly congratulated myself for having done something that Jet really approved of for once.

"Thanks. I really am proud of her," I told him and looked down at her, feeling the joy that I guessed most new mothers had when they were showing their newborns off to friends and family.

Ed reached out to touch the baby's hand and had it grabbed in return in the baby's slumber. She squealed in delight saying, "Look Faye-Faye! She took Ed's fingers!"

I smiled at her and while she and Jet continued to say such nice things about her, I glanced at Spike and saw a concentrated look on his face. I wondered if he was thinking about the baby or me, or both. Or maybe he was thinking about _her_, wishing it were Julia showcasing their daughter, not me.

"Faye?" I blinked and when Spike's gaze turned to me, I flushed and looked at Jet.

"Sorry, yeah?"

"I just asked when you were going to come home," he said and I forced myself to regain my regular flesh hue because Jet was looking at me with a weird expression.

"Um, after I sign the birth certificate. I'm guessing tomorrow, yeah."

Ed looked up at me with a childlike quizzical look in her eyes. "So where is Faye-Faye and the new Tomato going to sleep? With Spike-person?" Her innocent question was enough to make the blush brand another attack on my face and Spike spit out the coffee he had just taken a sip of. Jet even coughed uncomfortably as he rubbed the hairless top of his head in embarrassment.

I recovered first and laughed to cover up the burning humility I was feeling. "I don't think that there's space for all three of us to fit in Spike's bed, Ed. She needs a crib, and since I'm her mother, the crib will be in my room," I said evenly, hoping that Ed wouldn't press on about the sleeping arrangements.

She didn't, and just nodded happily, returning her gaze to the baby. I didn't dare look at Spike, in case he caught me staring again. I _knew_ he was looking at me, though. I just felt vulnerable under his dull gaze and I wanted to wait until Jet and Ed left to have a talk with him. They hung around for twenty minutes more, until Spike gave a cough and got Jet's attention. I figured they shared a knowing look because Jet suddenly started ushering Ed out of the door.

"I guess we'll be by tomorrow when it's time for you to leave, Faye. We have some cleaning up to do on the ship and I've got to go grocery shopping."

I smiled and waved at them. "Okay. I'll see you later then." When they left, it was just the two of us and even though we've been alone together too many times to count and pass off as civil, there was a baby involved that we both conceived, making the ambiance between us even more unbearable. I took a deep breath, hoping to calm my erratic nerves, but they refused even more when Spike moved from his spot on the wall to stand next to the bed. I busied myself with the baby and we stayed silent for a few long minutes until he spoke, that deep tenor of his voice scaring me out of my wits as it just cut through the dry air.

"I came by earlier," he said without any emotion – well, none that _I _could detect – but I lifted my eyes to meet his, surprised.

"Really? You didn't have to, Spike." I was unnerved to know because well…I wasn't expecting him to come by, even if he said he would. That, and he watched me sleep.

He cleared his throat and set the styrofoam cup on the table. I watched the steam rise up in a snaking pattern. "I know, but I wanted to, I guess. I said I would."

I smirked. "Did you find anything interesting to hold me against?"

He shrugged and I saw that easy-going, lopsided grin form on his mouth, making me feel somewhat better. I do better dealing with Jackass Spike than I am with Somber Spike. Maybe it's his gaze, or the way he talks, or maybe it's just the fact that he's serious that makes me nervous.

"I've already sold the tape to some guy on the streets this morning," he effortlessly retorted. I shook my head and slightly smirked, but turned to look at the baby when I felt her stirring. She was waking up and as I was about to readjust her position so I could lull her back to sleep, Spike's amazed voice stopped me.

"Faye, her eyes are opening," he pointed out dully, and I would have said something to him, but there was another situation at hand here.

I froze and moved my eyes excitedly back to her face, watching her make her very first 'first' in life. Her eyes were clinched together, but after a few seconds, they slowly opened. I gasped and watched her get accustomed to the lights, waiting as she finally fluttered her eyes in a soft blink, before looking up at me and Spike in a glassy gaze. I felt myself become giddy seeing that she had green eyes…maybe they were speckled with brown flecks, but green nonetheless.

"They're so beautiful. And she's looking at us," I quietly gushed. I smiled down at her. She just blinked at us, and I was secretly pleased that the first people she saw were her parents…together.

Spike's head unceremoniously leaned next to mine to get a closer look at the baby. His scent was entering my nose and I picked up the myriad of aromas like the faint scent of his soap, aftershave, sweat and I assumed that he had been smoking earlier, because cigarette smoke was the most prevalent. I tried not to inhale too deeply because I really didn't want to harbor the fact that I was starting to like it. He seemed pretty indifferent to my inner battles and just looked over our daughter with a slight smile on his face. I decided to do the same, hoping that it would steer me away from being so edgy about Spike's too-close proximity.

"I think that this baby is a reimbursement for all the horrible things that we've done in our lives," I said after gaining space between us again, and meaning it. It was a miracle that the Gods above still had reasoning left for the two of us that they've given us something that's so perfect. Maybe like a chance to do something right for once in our lives.

Spike looked down at me and lifted his brows. "You think?" I couldn't tell if he was being facetious with me or not. With Spike you can't really tell anything.

I shrugged. "How this all came to be…it's still passing over my head, but I know that I'm glad. Are you glad, Spike?" I asked him lightly, half-hoping and half-dreading his answer. I guess this was the moment everything has been leading up to.

He sighed and leaned back, stuffing his hands into his pockets. I knew this as a sign of him stewing over things, being in between contemplation and decisiveness. When he looked at me, I just became baffled. He didn't seem angry or sad or happy. And what really scared me was that I found a look of indifference across his features.

_Go ahead Spike, say that you don't care._

"Glad. That can be pulled in different directions, Faye. If you're asking about the baby, then I'll be honest and say that I am. But if you're asking about what we've done, then I can't say that I'm ecstatic about _that_," his words sounded like lead to me, each one heavy and pounding against my ear drums.

"This baby…she's something different, Spike. Unlike everything else that's ever happened between us, the fact that she was conceived and born can't just be obliterated like another casual spat."

"I know that."

"Don't you see that everything's changed between us? I can't think the same when I'm around you anymore, I can't look at you and see the same Spike that I've always known. Because now I can't just think nothing of you. We're bound together by this child, and that is a really strong link, Spike," I said heatedly.

He threw his hands in the air and started pacing around in front of the bed. "So what do you propose we do now, huh? Would you like for us to make this whole thing legal and get married? What, Faye? Because I'm at a loss here at this whole child raising shit."

I scowled darkly. So much for being cool and collected. "I want to know if you're committed to this, Spike. To our baby. I need to know if you're in this all the way, because if you're not, then I don't want you around. If you're going to be a father, then be one. But I don't want you sticking around because of your stupid pity. We don't need any damn wedding rings to play house. And I need to know what _you_ want," I countered as I watched Spike stop and look at me.

"What I want is for you to know that I'm not going anywhere, Faye. I'm going to be a father, okay? God forbid if I'm going to be a perfect one, but I'm going to try. Because right now, she's all I have to live for in this forsaken universe. Yeah, what we've done was a mistake, but I'm not going to run away from my fears. I'm staying…for her."

I didn't know which hurt worse, hearing for the first time that this was a mistake, or the fact that Spike wanted nothing to do with me. And I couldn't understand why it hurt me so much. I shouldn't be affected by his words; having Spike feeling indifferent towards me would make raising this child easier, right? But I'm afraid Spike's feelings wasn't bothering me as much as my own feelings were.

I blinked and hated myself for being so freaking emotional. "Okay then…good. That's reassuring." And I hated myself even more for sounding so dumb after screeching at him.

The silence that followed our short discussion was so uncomfortable that I could only look at our baby. She seemed unmoved by our loud talking and looked even at ease. I played with her and received a smile and a joyous cry from her that it broke my heart to think that something so innocent was born from a foul mistake.

"This baby…" Spike started and I looked up to find him at the window, looking down at the city of Ganymede.

"Won't change anything between us," I finished for him with grave seriousness and he turned to look into my eyes with a piercing stare. If I had been mistaken, there seemed to be this flash of uncertainty in his eyes. But as quickly as the thought registered in my head, it was gone and replaced by a new, nonchalant one.

Spike's mouth was set in a dour line as he turned back to the window and I sighed, wondering how things got to be the way they were. It used to be so simple to casually argue with Spike about trivial things that we could have done without. But now, I have trouble forming simple sentences that wouldn't make me sound like a dumbfounded teenager. Staring at his eyes cause such a stir within me that I'm forced to stumble back and regain my bearings. How did things so easy become so complicated? I never thought so many thoughts about Spike before; what's becoming of my impassive behavior?

"So," his voice cut through the straining air and I was forcefully pushed out of my daze. I set my eyes on his figure. Funny, the light almost seemed to make him glow. Ironic, comparing Spike to and angel when he's anything but. I refrained from commenting on this and waited for him to finish whatever sentence he started. "What are we going to name her?"

I couldn't help my eyebrows from rising. Here we were, acting like awkward fools right after expressing half of what we felt, and yet it's so easy for Spike to jump back onto that rolling wagon of insouciance. I guess since he _did_ have that skillful way of steering out of situations like this, it was normal for me to follow suit. But then, concerning Spike, his "skills" had a keen way of turnabout and always backed him into his own shallow corner. There really was no way around anything complicated labeled "Spike", was there?

"Well," I said and was impressed at how my own voice seemed to match his tone. "I suppose it's a better time than ever to think of one. Did you have any ideas?" I didn't know if I really trusted Spike's naming ability.

He seemed to think it over, though. I could tell by the way he had that sort of clenching of his jaw and his brow was slightly furrowed. Well, it's not as if I've just suddenly noticed this new idiosyncrasy of his. I've known sine I can remember. "How about Krista?"

I shook my head. "Sounds like it's a shortcut for another long name," I said. "What about Paula?"

He looked at me incredulously. "That sounds like an old woman's name. Chloe."

"No. Josie."

"That sounds like a stripper's name. What about Minnie?"

I scoffed at him. "Well, I don't want my daughter being named after a _Disney_ character," I retorted. I remembered Disney from back in my time, and I wasn't happy with the thought of my daughter being christened after a _mouse_.

"What?" I smirked and shook my head.

"Nothing, it's an Earth thing. Look, Spike, how are we going to name her if we can't agree on _any_ of the names? And I'm not going to play for it, either. It has to be chosen by _both_ of us."

He sighed and yet another silence crept over the room, but at least it was over something _somewhat_ trivial. Well, at least we weren't angry with each other. I kept looking at our baby, thinking of names in my mind that would suit her. She looked like she needed a strong name, something that would give her meaning, importance. And something pretty. Something like…

"Cailin."

It actually sounded right. I ran the name over and over in my head, and it just seemed to fit any way I look at it. "Cailin," I whispered, immediately loving the way it sounded off my tongue. I looked up to find him watching me expectantly, and I smiled softly. "It's perfect."

A smirk played across his mouth and he just said, "Yeah," before turning back to the window.

I frowned lightly and looked back down to our newly named daughter, and I reflected on the fact that this new baby was exactly what I needed in my life right now. A constant, and a reminder that maybe I _can_ do something right for once.

And I swore to the heavens that I would do it good, with or without Spike around.

* * *

The next afternoon the baby and I were well and ready to go home. Spike had stayed around for the night, something that would've shocked me to the floor, but I had been in bed the whole day, so I was just shocked. He seemed unaffected by the whole ordeal, like he usually is, but I was too anxious and heedful to be calm when he sat there in a chair by the window. It was strange though, because somehow I had slept better than I had earlier nights. 

Spike and I were waiting in the lobby on the main section of the maternity ward, waiting to sign the birth certificate when Jet and Ed came by. I smiled at them as they approached us, greeting both Spike and me, but crooning more over Cailin.

"So, have you picked out a name yet?" Jet asked, smiling down at her.

"Cailin Alexy," I told him and Ed's head popped up from somewhere behind Spike as she repeated the name like a cheerful mantra.

"Cailin Alexy! Cailin Alexy! Kay-Kay!" It seemed that Ed already adopted a nickname for the baby now.

Jet smiled gruffly and sank into the chair next to Spike, who had been a nincompoop the whole morning, groaning and moaning because he didn't sleep right last night. I replied with the standard eye rolls.

"Well, that's a great name you two." He glanced at Spike and raised an eyebrow. "What's up with you, Spike? Have a bad night?"

He grumbled and I rolled my eyes, shifting slightly so I wouldn't wake Cailin. "He's just being a baby because he slept on a chair all night."

Jet just looked at Spike and Spike narrowed his eyes at the floor. "You didn't seem to mind laughing at me when I couldn't get comfortable," he retorted pitifully and I shrugged my shoulders, smiling slyly.

"It was your choice."

He remained silent for the next few minutes while Jet and I gushed on about the baby. I noticed from the corner of my eye that although he kept a scowl on his face, I saw him watch over the baby with a perceptive eye. It made me happy, in a way, to know that Spike cared so much.

Finally, after some time, a nurse came out and came over to us, smiling. "Okay, Ms. Valentine, all you need to do is fill out all the information, sign and then you and your baby are all set to go home," she said and proceeded to hand me a clipboard. Before she turned to leave though, she gave Spike a wary look and made a 'tsk' noise, which I assumed only put Spike into a more sour mood.

But he did look over with interest along with Jet and Ed as I filled out the necessary information. Once I finished, Ed, in her fashion, quickly took the clipboard to give back to the front desk, balancing it on her head as she zoomed along. I stood up, clutching Cailin to my chest tighter as I waited and watched Spike and Jet follow suit. Spike took my bags and we followed Ed out of the hospital and were greeted at the entrance by two cabs, courtesy of Jet.

I carefully got into the back seat and Spike soon slid in after me, making sure I was in a comfortable position. As we made our way back to the Bebop, I realized that this was start of a new life for all of us, and looked down at the new member of our family, our _team_ and smiled as she started to wake up, confirming my beliefs that this was the start of a new and _good_ life for us all.

* * *

The office, over looking the wide range of the city of Tharsis, was dark as all the floor-to-ceiling windows were closed up, something desired by its occupier. The room was lusciously dressed, fit for someone who obviously had a lot of money as everything in here was worth over millions of woolongs. A long, mahogany desk polished to gleam off any light was at the moment being worn and torn by perfectly manicured nails, but the task of re-buffing it was not a problem, as the desk would be cleaned again in seven hours. 

And at the moment, a woman was sitting impatiently at the head of the table, wondering why it was taking her assistant so long to retrieve something that she was assured would "knock her out of her pants" though she never wore anything that concealed legs that were obviously meant to be shown off. She even half-heartedly considered firing her for keeping her from other important matters, such as the next assassination of some dictator. That, and she was missing her 3:00 pedicure.

Bright blue eyes made of steel glanced towards the clock and she clicked her tongue, really hating to be the one waiting, as it _should_ be the other way around. She gracefully picked up her letter opener and threw it towards the opposite wall from her just as the door opened, the object barely missing the threshold occupant by three inches, impaled into the wall a good six inches. Her aiming was weak, but she gave herself some credit seeing as how the door was twenty feet away from her.

A woman stepped into the office, looking as if she was unfazed by the fact that she had almost been struck in her eye by a device used for ripping open _paper_. She smiled brightly at her employer, somehow ignoring the fact that the woman sitting down was staring at her with a dangerous glint in her eyes.

"What is so important that you had to drag me out of my home and made me _wait_?"

The younger woman continued her exultant trek towards the desk and when she stopped a good foot away from it, she set a folder down in front of the woman saying, "I just found out the greatest news you will never believe!"

A rolling of bored eyes was awarded to her. "Well just bite me in the ass then, will ya? What the fucking hell is this?" The woman glanced down at the manila folder her interest clearly not peaked.

"Just open and find out."

"Such enigma this is," she dryly said, opening the folder. It took her five minutes before she let out a reaction. "Well I'll be fucked up the ass. My, my, my, my, my, the two most desirable people in this universe have been busy, huh? Well now, we've just narrowed down our search for the new heiress of this Syndicate." She closed the folder with a whole new agenda working its way into her mind as she dismissed her assistant, mulling over the new information.

She smirked and pushed a button, opening one of the long blinds as she swiveled around in her chair, looking down on the busy streets of downtown with mild lackadaisical attitude, concerning more about the new future of this wonderful and powerful consortium.

Slowly, a grin appeared on her ruby lips.

"Finders keepers."


	3. Settling

**Disclaimer: **Standard rules apply.

* * *

**Chapter III : _Settling_**

**_  
_**

The immediate excitement of having a newborn child isn't enough to mask the caginess of actually _caring_ for it. There are times when you just take one look at the baby and feel that surge of love and pleasure, but then once it's time to change diapers or trying to calm the baby down, that feeling is overcome with mild displeasure. 

Cailin was already three weeks old and everyone on the ship was still trying to cope with the cries at ungodly hours of the night. I had adamantly taken it upon myself to be the only caretaker of her, not just because I was protective, but I was paranoid as well.

Take into consideration the domestic skills of all three other residents. Though Jet had been more domestic than I was before I became pregnant, I doubt he had any idea of caring for an infant. He's always too distraught with the stench of soiled diapers to even come close as I change her diapers. And for all our sakes, Jet's cooking was at least constricted to feeding those who actually _could_ chew it up. But I can't help my giggles as I watch him come across bottles of baby food where his beloved peppers should be.

Ed, well, I'm just worried that she's too young to handle all these responsibilities. I found one day that she had one of Cailin's diapers strapped onto her head like some kind of headgear. And we've had to keep her away from the baby food, because Ed has a habit of testing out everything whether it's edible or not. But I'm sure she'll be a good baby sitter. From the very few times I've let her hold Cailin, I know that she doesn't see the baby as a toy.

As for Spike…well, I'm still too very wary of his paternal skills to even consider it. True, I may have said that he cared for her, but I didn't say that he would be a great father…yet. He even said so himself. So, for the past weeks, I've been acting like the baby wasn't even Spike's and disregarded him whenever it came to caring for her. It wasn't as if I hurt his feelings, his damn pride makes sure of that, but I'm just not ready to face the fear that one chore concerning our child will make him break his promise and place her back in my arms with a look of disgust written all over his face.

My nights were sleepless nights, and every time I heard a baby cry, I'm already awake and ready. As I picked up my daughter tonight and stared at her little face, her father's features construed in an innocent appearance seemed to remind me of the nights I spent wide-eyed and distressed during his absence.

This was just another night to add to the collection but I didn't mind it as I padded softly on the ship with a sleepy and hungry baby in my arms. I just hoped that whenever Cailin cried at night that she wouldn't wake up anyone else.

No one seemed to be aroused as I routinely passed by the dark living room to enter the kitchen, leaving the light off, and rummaging through and preparing her bottle. Having to do things with one hand was definitely a difficult task to manage, but I didn't want to admit that I needed anyone's help just yet.

But when I dropped the bottle, proceeding to spill its liquid contents all over the kitchen floor, I took a deep breath and reminded myself that this was just a simple mistake.

"Shit," I cried out and stepped back quickly when I felt the liquid seep under my feet.

"Faye? What happened?" I froze when I heard Spike's very awake and very alert voice filter through the room. I turned around and squinted at him in the poorly lit room, where he stood at the doorway with a somewhat curious expression on his face. I stared at him for a long time, but my attention was called away when Cailin's whimpers started forming again.

I sighed and dropped my eyes. "I was trying to screw on the bottle cap and it slipped from my hand," I cautiously admitted, not wanting him to think that I needed him help because I really did not.

When I lifted my eyes again, I saw him move towards me with a straight look on his face. I felt like shoving him out of the kitchen.

"Stubbornness won't do you any good, you know. Asking for help won't kill you, Faye," he smartly said and I scowled, stepping away from his closeness. I grabbed a paper towel and started to bend down with the baby still in my arms to clean up the mess.

My actions were halted, though, when I felt Spike grab the paper towel away from my hand and I looked up at him. What surprised me even more was when I found somewhat of a plead buried in those eyes of his, underneath the wariness. Wariness? Why the hell would Spike be wary?

"I'll clean it up. She needs her milk right now," he told me and I just stood there.

"It's okay, I can do it. I didn't mean to wake you," I tried coaxing him out of it. I was uncomfortable as it was with him being in the room with me, and now he has to offer to _help?_

He only shrugged noncommittally and bent down to do the task he surprisingly offered to do. "I was up anyway."

I would have been happy to just stand there and gawk at this new and domestic side of Spike, but Cailin became restless and I was quickly drawn from my previous ponderings and proceeded to prepare her bottle once more.

Trying to remain calm was a tricky task all on its own, I have to grudgingly admit. By my feet, on the floor was Spike, and I was all too cautious of our situation. To be completely honest, this was the first time Spike and I were alone together with Cailin. Pathetic, I know, but that's the awful truth. It's hard to explain _why_ this is the first time in weeks we're together, but…for God's sake, I'm still trying to cope with the fact that we're _parents_.

On the second try, I finally got the top of the bottle screwed on and set the bottle in the water that I previously boiled. As I waited for it to warm up, I lightly bounced Cailin in my arms, trying to ignore the fact that Spike was less than two feet away from me.

He wasn't helping, because he was whistling and also because he just got up and brushed passed me to throw away the soaked paper towel. I wish I was able to shut off the sense in my nostrils, but no can do, and two seconds after he walked by, his scent followed suit and made its triumphant attack on me. A frown skittered onto my face as I stared at the ground, berating myself for acting so stupid. If I can't handle Spike's scent at this point, then I possibly can't succeed in the future.

I let out a gasp, though, when I lifted my eyes and was greeted by Spike's. Even in this awful lighting his one eye still gleamed more than the other. He was looking at me, or rather examining me like I had something growing on my head.

Not wanting to be the one _not_ in control, I stood taller and stared back at him defiantly, challenging his silent analysis. And when I opened my mouth to say something to him, he cut me off, filling the room and my ears with his lazy but sharp drawl.

"Faye," he said, and immediately I backed down from the front line, somehow noting the subdued tone of worry laced in his uninterested one and I just looked at him.

"What?"

"When was the last time you got a good night's sleep? Or ate?" Spike had this way of letting you know that he was _concerned_, but his concern was something that you couldn't detect with even the sharpest hearing. You'd just have to have known him for a while to figure out when he actually cared.

I frowned and moved past him, partly because I wanted the bottle and partly because I was very uncomfortable with Spike looking at me like that. "Why do you care?"

"I don't," he said, and I felt some part of my heart twinge. That only made me angrier, because I knew his words should have been meaningless to me so I just ignored him, trying not to listen as he continued. "But have you looked in the mirror lately? You have dark circles around your eyes, and you're looking paler than usual."

Whatever effort at being the concerned father-of-your-baby guy wasn't working. I, of course, already knew that I looked like I was deprived of sleep and nutrition. Being the _only_ aesthetic obsessive person on this ship, I'm constantly aghast by the face I'm greeted with in the mornings of this woman who looks worse for the wear with a long story to tell.

I grabbed the bottle from the pot and turned around, angrily looking at Spike as he stood there, eyeing me with either disinterest or distaste, it all really didn't matter to me. "Thanks for your concern, but your vain efforts at caring about me aren't exactly appreciated. I thought this baby wasn't going to change anything between us," I said, testing the milk on my wrist before placing it on my daughter's mouth. I held the bottle for her as she fed, refusing to meet Spike's eyes.

"How can you be so _stupid_, Faye?"

It was then that I looked up at him, at that weird and undecipherable look in his eyes. And it made me mad. "Excuse me?"

He rolled his eyes, and if I didn't have a baby in my arms, I would've punched him in his face; I was already feeling that tingling running down my arm in a shock wave.

"So you can honestly look me in the eye and tell me that nothing has changed between us?" He scoffed when I glared at him, and I felt my rage collect at the foot of my temper column, slowly making its way up to exceed the calm emotion I had just begun to possess. His smirk expanded when I gave him a silent answer.

"Of course you can't. Because you know it's true, and you hate knowing that I'm right and you're wrong," he said with a hint of arrogance.

I rolled my own eyes and leveled my tone with his. "So you can honestly look _me_ in the eye and tell me that _you_ don't feel uncomfortable with all these…things between us?" I countered his question and watched as Spike remained unfazed, staring at me with that stupid glint in his eyes.

I sighed and returned my attention to the only thing that I knew would calm me down at the moment. She was already halfway done with her bottle and suddenly I felt very tired. Of this, of Spike, and of all the unwanted feelings creeping more out of their corners.

"You think that I can't handle being a father, don't you?" It seemed that I wasn't the only one who was tired. I wanted to deny everything that just came out of Spike's mouth, but the truth hit me harder than the effects of losing gravity and regaining it would. He was right; I wasn't ready to give up my daughter to someone whom I didn't feel was ready to be in this all the way.

As I was slowly being dragged out of my current state into a more sullen, worn one, I could only shrug my shoulders and said, "I'm sorry." And I meant it.

"Why?"

I looked at Spike and noticed that he looked more curious than angry, and that got me puzzled. Knowing _his_ temper, I was sure he would have tried to twist my words. I cast my gaze to the wall behind his head and started to explain my current qualms.

"Because honestly Spike, I can't quite grasp this whole concept yet that you're a father. The whole entire time I was pregnant I've been pinching myself constantly, telling myself to wake up because there was no possible way _either_ of us were ready to have such a big responsibility. We have a fucking child, Spike. How was I going to believe that you were ready for this when I can't even trust you to stay _alive_?"

"Were you expecting me to just up and leave right when I couldn't handle the downs of parenting?" he asked and I sighed, really hating to be in this position right now.

"Yes…no…God, I don't _know_, Spike. I'm just so tired right now. I don't _only_ trust you; it's me whom I don't trust either. I mean, come on, not too ago I was 'Faye Valentine', poker guru, a money stealer, and quite possibly the one woman who most people could describe in one word as a slut."

He opened his mouth but I shook my head. It was all or nothing, and he wanted to know the truth, so I'll give him the entire damn truth. "No, it's true, Spike. No one in their right mind could have formed a coherent thought that involved me and raising a child, much less being responsible -- not even myself. After you left, I was in a weird state, where I actually felt like doing something that would be beneficial to me _and _to everyone, and no, that wasn't by leaving. I figured that if this ship couldn't handle losing you, it certainly couldn't risk losing me for good either. So I stayed. And I actually became _responsible_, Spike. Can you believe it?" I paused when I felt and heard the suckling sound, taking the bottle and setting it into the sink. I cradled Cailin against my chest and followed her consumption by burping her. As I began to release the extra gas in her body, I laughed and looked at Spike.

"See? This is something completely new to me, and I'm still trying to grasp the fact that this is our _baby_ I'm caring for."

He sighed and I glanced at him, seeing how somber he seemed to have gotten. "Faye, I just want you to understand that _you're_ not the only one who got their act together. Over the past nine months I've been thinking a lot, and I _am_ ready for this, Faye."

I looked at him, believing him. "I'm sorry," I said again. "I just…didn't want to risk anything"

"Risk what?" he asked and I wanted to die for dragging myself into this submission.

I sighed. "Involving you in Cailin's life if you weren't ready for it. Yes, I know you've told me before, Spike, but I just didn't know for sure. People can say things without meaning them."

"This is a child, Faye. _My_ damn child. And you may not believe that I'm capable of raising a kid, but I do, okay? So let's get things settled once and for all," he said and I cast a sideward glance at him, slightly narrowing my eyes. "I am going to be a father. I am going to take care of Cailin. But you need to let me in, Faye, damn it."

Well, considering the urge and fervor in his voice, that was proof enough that Spike was ready to accept the responsibility. I stared at him for a good while, just for kicks before saying, "Alright."

He gave me a nod and looked down at the now sleeping baby in my arms. "Besides, she's just as mine as yours."

That's when I decided that beyond this point our conversation couldn't be any more dramatic or serious than it just was, and I simply rolled my eyes, moving off the counter to prepare for my leave. If he wants to be a father _this_ bad, then I apparently have to choice but to let him.

"Typical," I muttered, not exactly caring for his lunkheadedness at the moment.

We stood there for two minutes and when I had enough of Spike for one night, I moved past him and towards the kitchen entrance. I was a few feet away when I heard his voice, so I stopped and turned my head slightly as an indication for him to continue.

"Can I help you put her to bed?" he warily asked. I looked back at him where he stood next to the sink and gave him a smirk. I may accept his doting request at fatherhood, but there's no way I'm letting him handle our baby just yet.

"You want to help out?" I asked, raising a brow. He nodded and I smiled brightly at him. "Alright. You can start by cleaning up in _here_," I haughtily said and turned around again leaving the kitchen. I knew he was glaring and grumbling curses my way but I kept my smile, greatly enjoying his distress.


	4. The Fine Line Between You and Me

**A/N: **First and foremost, I must apologize for not updating for...two and a half months. At some point between now and then, I had actually written half of this chapter but then I got stuck on a certain part and my inspiration just crumbled. That and I procrastinate way too much. Well, in any case, here I present to you readers the fourth installment in this story. And let me tell you...I was up all night between one and five thirty finishing this chapter. But I had fun writing this!

Oh, and the section in italics is a flashback, in case anybody gets confused. Enjoy!

**Warning: **There is sexual content in this chapter, but not so much I don't think that this needs a rating change. Nothing graphic! But I think along the way in this story, I will make the rating higher to accompany the...intense contact between Spike and Faye. Well, as intense as my little heart can take. So, beware!

**Disclaimer: **Standard rules apply.

* * *

**Chapter IV : _The Fine Line Between You and Me_**

**_  
_**

I walked into the living room and noticed Ed, Jet and Spike huddled around Ed's computer. I walked up to them and stood behind Jet, bending so I could peer over their heads at what they were being so enthralled in. It seemed that they had their sights set on a new bounty. This is the first bounty that any of us would go after in months, and I wanted to be the one to catch him.

I skimmed the information on the screen and when my eyes hit the bounty amount, I let out a low whistle, causing the three in front of me to jump. Backing away from them as they glared, I smiled and crossed my arms. "Were you planning on including me in this chase?" I asked and sat down on the couch next to Spike as he and Jet settled into their primary positions.

Spike gave me a sideways glance, and then returned his gaze towards the screen. "Where's Cailin?"

I shrugged and didn't look at him, instead reading the information. "Sleeping. This bounty is worth a lot. What did he do?" I asked to no one in particular.

Jet looked at me and said, "Says here that he conspired against his own organization and hacked into the main computer, sucking the company dry and shutting down the whole place."

I nodded and we watched as Ed gathered information that we needed in order to track him down. She searched for ten minutes and as the quiet tapping droned on against the straining silence, I groaned and leaned against the couch, staring up at the fan.

Just as I counted the thirtieth revolution of the fan blades, Ed's triumphant voice cut through the air – loudly.

"Ooh, lookie! Mr. Muschovitz likes to go on blind dates! Ed found an online dating service with his name there!"

I sat up and looked at the two men. "That's a perfect reason for me to go."

Spike wasn't hesitant to voice his disapproval. "No, you're not going," he said bluntly and defiantly, making me livid.

I turned to look at him and threw icy glares. "And why the hell not! What about all those other bounties that we went after before, huh? I was made to go out and whore myself to distract them, so why are you refusing me to go now?" My tone was rising, but I ignored Jet's warning.

I shook my head, not losing eye contact with Spike. "Give me one good reason why I can't go Spike. Is it because I'm now a mother? Is it because I'm too weak to be acting strong? Because I'm not sure what your reasons are, but I sure as hell know that you don't give a damn about my well being _that_ much."

He set his jaw in a tight clench and I crossed my arms, refusing to back down from our argument. It made completely no sense why I couldn't go out on a mission that he very well knew I was perfect for.

"It's not like that, Faye," he said, his voice steady but low.

"Then what is it? I don't understand Spike." I turned to Jet. "Do you know why Spike is acting like this Jet? Is there some underlying message that I'm not aware of between you two?"

He ran a hand over his head and sighed deeply. "I think I might have a clue to his attitude Faye, but ultimately this is between you two. Honestly, I think that you're well enough and strong enough to go after this guy," he added, and I pursed my lips. It wasn't fair.

I set my eyes on Spike. "So, without me, how do you plan on catching this guy?"

He shrugged carelessly and replied, "Can't we just put random information down? He can believe that we're a woman and then get a gender surprise."

"You put information down, they check to see if it's legit or not. This system is far too careful about who puts what information down."

Jet looked at the screen that was now donned in red, and scraped at his scalp. "So they don't care about criminals?"

I shook my head. "They don't give a damn about who you are, just as long as their business doesn't suffer from it. It's a good place to snatch suckers up."

There was a pause between all four of us again, and I glowered in contempt at Spike's reasoning. What is so wrong with letting me go? Okay, so maybe I've let my guard down a _little_ because of Cailin, but I'm still Faye Valentine. I could put on a game face whenever I want; I could still go after bounties.

"Maybe he's gay," Spike said after a while and I rolled my eyes.

"Good luck with ruining your reputation," I spat. There was a cry from my room and I stood up. "I'm done arguing."

I left the living area and walked to my room, still upset, but when I opened the door and found my daughter writhing with her face red and scrunched from screaming, I quickly pushed my anger away and brought forth my motherly instincts. I picked her up and started to bounce her against my shoulder, cooing and pleading with her to go back to sleep.

It's amazing how babies have no shame in letting everyone know what they want and showing their emotions. Leaving them bare and helpless. But that's their nature, and they have no control over it. But us adults, people who know better, are too guarded and have all these emotions pent up inside of us, with no way of letting them out that _won't_ end up in an awful mess.

Too many times in this life on the Bebop, with Spike, have I screamed inside a bottle, wondering each time when it will crack and shatter, letting loose everything I worked so hard in hiding from him. All the anger. All the unwanted grief. All the stupid caring and worrying I've done. When he will finally know when enough's enough.

But no. Spike Spiegel is too obsessed in ruining his own life, finding answers to questions that don't matter, and existing when he wants the opposite to even consider the feelings of others, and thus ruining others lives in his own disillusioned quake.

That man just has every sense of calamity revolving around him, and there's no safe path around it. Just gotta brace yourself for flying debris and strong winds.

When Cailin finally calmed down, I let her rest against me and smiled when I heard her gurgling. I kissed her temple and stroked her green fuzz. It's still such a wonder how I actually was in possession of all this…compassion. All this _love_. Who knew it took a baby to bring out all these sensations in me?

I hummed her to sleep, and after I laid her back down in her crib, I walked over to my mirror next to the dresser and looked hard at the woman staring back at me. I sighed in annoyance at my recent lack of self-aestheticism and ran a hand through my hair, the length now at my back, making me look older. My eyes were outlined not in eyeliner, but in dark circles, and I glared, realizing how scary I looked.

The sight of my own reflection started bothering me, so I turned away and laid myself on my bed. I deserved a rest, and silently hoped that Cailin wouldn't wake up anytime soon.

* * *

Spike didn't know why he was awake, but he was and being awake found him wandering down the hallway at two in the morning. He usually didn't wake up to do _nothing_, and so it disturbed him that he was being pulled from his sleep with no reason. He was neither hungry nor bored. 

He decided to check up on Cailin. He had rare moments alone with his daughter, and it irked him because Spike really was serious about fathering her. Faye was being stuck-up and it was starting to piss him off that she wouldn't let him hold her. He did know how to handle an infant, believe it or not. He just never had the chance. That and he was still quite wary of everything, feeling that if he as so much as looked at his daughter, she would dissolve into dust and everything that happened in the span of the last ten months would float away into space and forever be gone from his mind.

He frowned and was almost at Faye's door, pondering about whether he should actually go in or not. He hadn't been in her room since…well, it's been a while and it would be really awkward if she woke up to see him in there. But then, Faye's been sleeping since this afternoon, and she seemed really tired.

Spike scoffed. Since when did he start noticing Faye's wellness?

_Don't kid yourself, Spike. Face it; ever since you've gotten Faye pregnant, you've been protective of her._

And since when did he start having a conscience?

He shook his head and decided to just go in. Screw Faye if she catches him. He has every right to hold his daughter. But when he got to her door, he took a step back and raised his brows. Well, she wasn't in there. Eh, that crosses out the risk of barging in when she's asleep.

Spike lost his interest though, and thought about just turning back towards his room, but then a soft rustling jarred his thoughts and without a second thought he stepped into Faye's room, the scent of her enveloping him in and wrapping long memories around his mind. But he shook his head of their reaching and refused to think of anything as he cautiously looked around. Her room was the same, but now more compacted together with the addition of Cailin's crib and a few more…junk, he mused as he kicked a diaper pack out of his way.

And when he reached the crib, he couldn't stop the smirk that erupted from his strange happiness. Cailin was sleeping; her small body sprawled across the crib bed with the blanket twisted around her, and her tiny face looked too innocent and too pure that it put him to shame. Spike peered down at her and studied the way she slumbered. It humbled him in a way to see his own flesh and blood like that, in such an angelic way that was the complete opposite of him. She was beautiful.

Spike's eyes roamed across her face, taking in all the features of her tiny face. Her green hair was in a fluff, he noticed amusingly, and right away he saw the resemblance of Faye in her soft angles.

As he put the blanket over her, he cogitated with humor how this baby made him…softer. Spike rolled his eyes. God, now he's _really_ acting like a father. And what's even worse, before he left Cailin and Faye's room altogether, he bent down and gave her a kiss on her forehead, a motion that both scared and shocked Spike. Has he really changed this much? It scared Spike because he wasn't quite sure of what was becoming of his old cynicism, and these changes were starting to affect him in more ways than he would like to admit.

Which both explains and doesn't explain why he didn't want Faye going after that bounty. He knew she was able to go, and that she was the best candidate out of the three of them to have a good chance at catching him. But for some reason, he was very cagey of letting her go so soon after she gave birth.

She's probably too vulnerable, he thought to himself as he walked out of her room, nodding with vigor at his reasoning, trying to convince himself. She's probably not alert enough to be going out. She's going to be constantly thinking about Cailin and worrying more over her than the bounty. And then she'll let him go away, losing all the money that we will definitely need.

Obviously, he wasn't going to be getting sleep that night, so he decided to go onto the bridge to work on his sequences. He felt that he needed to sweat, to work off the stress that was indisputably starting to develop.

He looked up as he neared the end of the hallway and yet again was stopped in his tracks with astonishment. Not because of what he saw, but because of the memories that were suddenly rushing into his head at the moment, making him flustered, confused, annoyed, and…flushed.

Faye was standing there, looking out the curved window at one of Jupiter's moons, Leda, the pensive look on her face transporting Spike from the present to the past, back to ten and a half months ago, just after he returned to the Bebop.

_Faye was standing there, with a cigarette in her mouth staring at the moon with a concentrated look on her face. _

_He had just returned the ship two weeks ago, an explanation for his whereabouts hanging in the air between all three of them, yet no one dared to grab at it, demanding Spike where he was for over a year. The level of awkwardness between the three of them was at its highest ever, but Spike kept his cool demeanor. He didn't care to share with the others what had happened on his vacation, and none of them had asked._

_He had returned to the Bebop one night to find it empty. No noise; no grumbling and sizzling from the kitchen, no clicking of keys off Ed's Tomato – he didn't ask about how she came about this ship again -, no Faye complaining about…well anything, and not even a noise from Ein. He was out the whole day after a bounty – he had decided to get back in the habit – and now he returned to a silent ship. He should have been basking in the silence of the vicinity, but he thought it unusual that it would be so…quiet. He didn't see Jet's Hammerhead in the deck, but Faye's Redtail was._

_Shrugging, he moved from the living area to the kitchen to see if anything was ready to eat, which he highly doubted, and his confirmations were clear when he opened the refrigerator to find nothing short of the ordinary: bell peppers and no beef. _

_With a sigh, Spike shut the door and decided to skip dinner that night, and the next few nights as well. Most likely there wouldn't be anything to eat besides bell peppers. Or dog food. _

_He quietly ventured around the ship, trying to make sense of all this. He couldn't find anyone, and he looked everywhere. Well, everywhere but the control room on the bridge. He was skeptical, but it was the last place on this damned ship that he had to search through. But he didn't quite believe that all four of them were in one room. Together. _

_He stuffed his hands in his pockets and was about to whistle some tune, but he stopped altogether in surprise at the sight in front of him. _

_Faye was standing there, with a cigarette in her mouth staring at the moon with a concentrated look on her face. _

_Spike quickly and silently dodged into the shadows of the hall. As unconcerned as he was, he didn't for some reason barge into Faye's space like he was used to doing, and instead cautiously watched her. He watched as she smoked her cigarette, probably one that was stolen from his pack, and stood there with one arm crossed over the other._

_Ever since Spike had come back onto this ship, he didn't really muse over the changes that had occurred while he was gone. But now, with everything still and unmoving and him in the shadows, he actually studied Faye. Not for his own amusement, but because he noted something different about her._

_Physically, she was the same, except she let her hair grow out and was now dangling below her shoulders. And surprisingly, she wasn't dressed in that outfit that resembled much like a prostitute's. Instead, Faye was wearing shorts and what seemed to be his__ shirt. His eyebrow quirked at that, and he made a note to comment about it later when things weren't so…serious. _

_As he looked over her, he also noticed how…mature she had seemed. He couldn't decipher what it was that made her seem older, but it was definitely there, and he could tell by the way she held her posture, the way her eyes held in more knowledge, losing its youthful and carefree sheen. He recalled her telling him that her memory returned to her the day he left, and he wondered if that was what made Faye seem so much like an adult. _

_This change was slight but so obvious, it made Spike wonder about Faye's life altogether. She had been so guarded about herself, it seemed impossible to even get a smidgen of a tale from her life before, if there ever was one. He thought back to the story she had told Ein and unknowingly him a while back, about when she awoken and her brief life before coming aboard the Bebop. Of course he hadn't believed her because then it was so difficult to know when or if Faye was telling the truth. Then there was that video that showed a girl so strikingly familiar to Faye, the possibility of it being her was great. Finally, there was the day he left and she revealed that her memories returned to her, but he disregarded that, with other things on his mind. _

_So, in actuality, he never really knew Faye. She was just a woman onboard whom he couldn't stand with no purpose in life who chased bounties with he and Jet and wasn't useful at all when it came to the maintenance of the ship. And she stole their money and spent it all at the casinos. That was all. Nothing more and nothing less. Or rather, that was how Spike saw it. He had no reason to gain knowledge about her life, and he didn't really have an interest in it either. Whatever she did wasn't his problem. _

_So now, coming across Faye like this, he marveled about this woman standing a few yards away from him. It was actually awkward, in his position. What right did he have wanting to know about that shrewd of a woman living on this ship, when they obviously weren't on any terms, much less speaking?_

_With a shake of his head, Spike came to the conclusion that he wasn't thinking right, and turned to walk away. Apparently, he had found his answer to whether or not anyone was on this ship and didn't want to further his investigation. But before he took a step, Faye's voice rang through the room and the hall like a sudden cold front, freezing Spike to his spot. Her tone was sharp and edgy, different from her usual annoyed drawl. _

"_Now that you're done spying on me, have any questions?"_

_Spike turned his head towards her, but she wasn't looking at him; in fact, she looked the way he had found her, as if she hadn't spoken at all. _

_It was useless for him to stand around in the dark any longer, so he stepped away from the shadows and into the bright light of the moon, not taking a step forward, but not a step backwards. His hands were in his pockets and he shrugged, glancing at the moon, its entirety huge and taking up the whole view from the windows._

"_Should I?" he asked, his voice void of any emotion._

_This time, Faye turned around and glared at him. She threw her cigarette on the ground and without breaking contact with his eyes, ground it out. "You're an asshole, Spike," she spat, the anger in her eyes replacing the look of stillness he had seen not even five minutes ago. _

_He smirked. "Nothing I haven't heard before. Where's everyone else?"_

_She walked over to where he stood and stopped directly in front of him leaving only three inches between them. "Why should I tell you? What good will that do when you don't listen to me at all?"_

_He frowned at her sudden rage against him. "What's wrong with you?"_

_Her eyes widened at his query and she shoved him, causing Spike's own anger to peak. "What's wrong with _me_? What the hell kind of question is that? What's wrong with _you_? Do you honestly believe that coming back onto this ship will be an easy thing to do? What, like riding a bike again? Dammit Spike, why _did_ you have to come back? Things were better to handle knowing that you were gone."_

_So she was angry that he was suddenly back. He raised an eyebrow. "So what, you want me to leave again?" He really didn't want to leave, and even if Faye said she wanted him to, he probably wouldn't._

_She cried out in frustration. "Yes! No! God, I don't know!" Then she shoved him again. "You're such a dickhead! You think that you can come back and pick up where you left off, playing second in command again?" And another shove. "You come back unexpectedly and somehow expect Jet and I – hell, even Ed – to welcome you back with open arms? You're back for two and a half weeks already and not once did you say anything about what happened! We're not fucking mind readers, stupid!"_

"_You want the truth? Then I'll give you the fucking truth! I left, I went off to find Vicious, kill him, and in return got not death, but life again. Not heaven, but this hell again. For the six months after that I was unconscious. And after that, I was busy getting all my joints to work again. There, is that what you want?" _

_Faye looked at him accusingly. "And in the past six months you didn't care to call. At least let us know that we buried a missing body for nothing!" _

_Spike scoffed. "Yeah, as if you wanted me to call."_

_She shook her head and laughed bitterly. "You are a selfish bastard, you know that? Oh boohoo, you couldn't be with your _angel_ and so you decide to shun yourself from people who actually cared! You fought your last battle and found that it didn't go as according to plan, and now you're too good to let us know that you were alive? Oh, great plan Spike!"_

_He was now angry. Angry because Faye had no right to say those things, and more because what she was saying was true. He glared down at her. "Don't you dare accuse me of being selfish when you have been nothing but that ever since you've set foot on this ship. I fought for a cause that you couldn't possibly understand! At least I had something to die for!"_

"_I don't give a shit about your petty reasons for running off, Spike! I give a shit about the fact that you abandoned me and Jet!" she screamed at him, her eyes glazing over with ire. Then, she gave a tired and cynical laugh. "It really is a pity you couldn't be with Julia. You two were perfect for each other; recklessly abandoning those who actually gave a damn," she said coldly. _

_Spike snapped. In the next instant, he had backed Faye against the wall and was towering over her, practically pinning her body down with his. She had poured acid in his opened wounds and rubbed the pain in until it was unbearable._

_Their faces were an inch apart and both were breathing heavy out of anger and despair. Spike gritted his teeth and tried to regain control of his anger, but it was no use. He was seeing red. How dare Faye make assertions about him, about his life and about his heart? She didn't know what had gone on in his final encounter with Vicious, and she didn't know about Julia. _

_But she was right, and he hated that. He was furious because she saw through him and caught him on it. He was furious because she told the truth and the truth bit him on the heel, not letting go._

_Faye glared at him. "Fuck you Spike Spiegel," she spat at him through clenched teeth._

_He glanced down at her and tilted his head slightly, throwing her an arrogant smirk. "Fuck you too."_

_He didn't know what happened in the next second, or hell, next _millisecond_, but suddenly Faye jumped at him and he wasn't surprised to find that he met her halfway. Their lips collided against each other and began their assault on each other, tongues attacking in their own swordfight. _

_Spike was beyond any logical thinking. He was unbelievably infuriated and frustrated to no end. If neither of them acted out this way, then there probably would be blood shed at this point. He needed to transport his anger somewhere other than violence, and Faye was just…there. Her body was pressed too close to his and with their heavy breathing, he could feel her breath on his face and the way her chest moved against his. He didn't know what else to do._

_But caught up in the moment, he let his anger slip away into lust and soon found no reason to pull away. His frustration branched into another kind and now he couldn't stop himself. Especially now when Faye's legs encircled his waist, decreasing the distance between them to none at all, and he now used the wall to support both their weights. Their kisses were to the point now where they were brutal, his lips violently crushed against hers and vice versa. She was rubbing against him and it was driving him crazy. Now, his mind was shut off and he let his desire take over. He needed this escape, now.  
_

_Faye was now trying to remove his jacket while bestowing kisses against Spike's jaw, and realizing what she was doing, he removed them off the wall and quickly walked to the nearest door in that hallway to them and kicked it open. The scent of Faye overpowered him and he noted faintly that they were in her room. He went over to the bed and set Faye down at the edge, bending over her and setting his hands on either side of her, gripping the mattress . _

_She set about finishing what she started and roughly pushed the suit jacket down his shoulders and arms. Then, she started on his shirt, hastily undoing the buttons, trying to concentrate with Spike nipping at her earlobe, kissing her around her ear and down her jaw line, making Faye's skin quiver. _

_Finally, his shirt was off and now she raised herself on her knees so she was eye level with Spike and instantly set her mouth against the curve of his neck, in the hollow of his collarbone. Her hands went to his chest and she ventured, her lips following the trail of her exploring hands, mouth hot against his body, tasting him._

_Spike took the hem of her shirt and tugged until Faye pulled away from him and lifted her arms as he slid the shirt over them, exposing her to him. She crushed up against him again, now skin against skin as she took his mouth, her tongue imploring his mouth against his tongue. _

_Soon after, the rest of their clothing had been discarded and now their bodies were in absolute contact with each other. Hands and mouths explored each other's entirety, small investigating scars and hard ridges of lean muscle, rough against smooth milky dips and curves. That night, Spike and Faye stripped down to the core of their fury and shared a similar vulnerability only each other could understand. And leaving their skeletons in the closet and every other damn thing in the closet, they used each other to release a certain sentiment. They shared heat and breath and experienced the passion that had been bottling up between them for the longest time. _

_As they brought the other to their climax – the first of many that night – they couldn't help but feel something surge deep in their hearts, a constant hum in their veins and hearts, increasing each time Spike and Faye looked at one another in the eyes, something more than lust transferring among them that night. _

_And for the first time ever in the history of the Bebop, Faye and Spike shared a bed that night. _


	5. Almost Had It There

**Disclaimer: **Standard rules apply.

* * *

**Chapter V : _Almost Had It There_**

**_  
_**

I knew he was there. The change of scent in the air was enough to become alert that someone else was in the vicinity with me. It was unnerving, but I didn't move. Frankly, I was too lazy to bring myself away from the window.

I had come in here earlier after I had woken up so I could clear my mind a bit and maybe work out a little, but once I stopped in front of the vast windows, I was hooked to the space life, or rather, the lack of it.

I was still miffed about the argument I had with Spike, because I just couldn't understand his reasoning. He was being a pompous ass and that's why I abhor him at times. I decided against arguing with him because I knew it wouldn't come out the way that I would have liked it to. But that does not mean that I'm going to let him keep on getting his way all the time. Oh no, buddy.

I slid my eyes away from the window and towards the entrance of room and saw the cast of a man's shadow on the steel floor, stoic and unmoving. I turned my head and stared at the dark hallway, wondering if Spike was looking at me or not. But then I reminded myself that I couldn't care less and returned my attention to the stars and an occasional spacecraft passing by. Though, my head was anywhere _but_ following the attention of my vision. It was deeply attached to the concept of Spike being in the room with me. I frowned, not wanting him in my head.

And somehow, as I thought more about our situation, a vague but precise recollection swarmed into my mind, dating back to ten months ago. My eyes widened and I winced at the memory, my body suddenly becoming flush. No wonder why Spike didn't just come barging in throwing the fact that he won the battle into my face.

With grueling force, I somewhat pushed the memory out of my head and with a wary glance at Spike's direction walked over to the punching bag in the center of the room. He still hasn't moved, and now that I could actually see him, I noticed that his eyes haven't strayed from where I originally stood.

I pulled my hair into a messy bun and with one last glance towards Spike, I got into a fighting stance and with a swift kick of my leg, the punching bag swayed violently away from me, the intensity of the kick making a resounding boom in the room and the hinges creaked as it mercilessly swung back in my direction.

Before my memories returned to me, I guess it could be said that I was a pretty decent fighter. I mean, surely I wasn't capable of all the stupid martial art skills that Spike possessed, but I did have a pretty mean kick. But as my memories started coming, I slowly began to remember things from my past life. For instance, one morning, I woke up and started speaking fluent Latin. It scared the shit out of me, but then I started getting used to the burst of memories. I started remembering my family and my friends, and I actually remembered what I wanted to do in my life that wasn't to come.

My father had taught me how to fight when I was young. I never knew what he did for sure, but I didn't question it as he educated me on how to skillfully take down an opponent. And even though I sometimes worried about him turning me into a tomboy, I cherished the time we got to spend together. My father wasn't home as much as I'd like for him to be because his work often required him to travel a lot.

I didn't digress though, as I delivered a roundhouse kick to the mobile target and punched the center of it not even three seconds after. When it started coming back to me, my memories were vague, but for some reason these sequences were like second nature to me. I'm supposing that Tang Soo Do was some kind of bond holding me to my memories of my father.

I had forgotten that Spike was even there, so when I paused to wipe the sweat off my brow, I heard soft footsteps and then suddenly he was in the room, his shadow now following a body. I looked up and saw that he was leaning against the window that I had been looking out of; arms crossed and mismatched eyes gazing upon me. He had that same stupid look on his face that he always does, but his smirk was a little bit wider today.

"Didn't know you knew Tang Soo Do," he remarked softly, but his voice had that edginess that obscured any emotion.

I shrugged and without taking my eyes of Spike, I stepped away from the punching bag's trajectory as it came back towards me. The room was quiet again except for the creaking of the chain and my heavy breathing.

"Neither did I," I said and walked around the workout area, moving towards the window next to him. "Remember how I told you that my memory returned to me, before you left?"

"Yeah."

I watched as we were moving away from Jupiter, the planet and the moons getting smaller as we inched our way towards Mars. "For a while, they started coming to me in little bursts; I would suddenly remember something from my past, and sometimes it threw me off balance. It was hard to grasp, all these images of things that I have forgotten floating around my head like how the stars do in space.

My father, he was the one who taught me how to fight. I never knew what he did for, but he just was an expert at martial arts and I just loved watching him when he practiced. His movements were smooth and lithe, and he just looked like one of those guys who could take down ten men in five minutes." I glanced at Spike and chuckled. "Somewhat like you."

"Have all your memories returned to you?"

"Most, but not all. It's weird…comparing my world then and the world now. Things are so different: people are gone; things have changed; it's like I had a past that never existed. You know, the kind that you remember but can't prove. But I'm dealing, I guess. I mean, I can't dwell too much on the past now that I have a future, right?" I shrugged and turned to Spike. He wasn't looking at me; he kept his gaze on the punching bag. "And it probably doesn't matter that I'm telling you. You don't care for my useless ramblings, do you?"

He was quiet for a while, but I never took my eyes off of him. I stared at his face, at the concentrated look on it; the way his brow slightly creased; the tight clench of his jaw. He seemed to be thinking hard about something, and I wondered if he was regretting even asking me one simple question, as I in turn exploited too much information.

Then, his eyes were suddenly on mine, and I was surprised for a moment because I didn't notice that he had turned his head to look at me. I blinked, trying to refocus.

"You'd be surprised if I told you I actually did," he told me and I stared at him, my eyes surely betraying the composed look I tried to pull off.

"What?"

He shrugged and shifted so that his back was leaning against the glass with his right foot propped on it. I watched as he pulled a cigarette of out the pack from the pocket of his sweatpants with long fingers and brought it to his mouth, lighting it. The smell of the tobacco was sweet in my nose, but I had quit months ago. He glanced at me and took the cigarette out of his mouth.

"Do you mind?"

I rolled my eyes. "Well, now that you've already pulled it out and lit it, I guess I don't have much of a choice, do I?"

He turned his eyes back to whatever it was that he was staring at and placed the cigarette back into his mouth, taking a long drag. "Can't believe you actually quit."

Narrowing my eyes at him, I shook my head. "You wouldn't have minded a messed up kid?" He didn't reply and I sighed. "As much as I hate to admit, I really have quit smoking. Good Lord, what has Cailin done to me?" I said the latter mainly to myself, but Spike had of course heard it and looked at me with a smirk gracing his mouth.

"Would you like me to start listing some things?" His dry humor didn't faze me as I rolled my eyes, turning so that my right shoulder was resting against the cool glass.

"Go ahead," I said but Spike didn't respond, and after a minute of silence I heard him sigh.

With the cigarette dangling between his lips, Spike pushed off the glass and turned around to look out the window as well. "I didn't come here to argue with you, but I guess that can't be proven possible."

My eyes warily turned to him. "What did you come here for, Spike? It's two thirty in the morning, and I doubt you came here to purposely watch me workout."

"I couldn't sleep," was his lazy reply.

"And you happened to stumble upon me here."

His lips quirked up into a wry smile. "Exactly."

I pursed my lips from saying anything else that would create another quarrel between us, but I couldn't stop _all_ the nastiness from escaping my mouth. "Well, there's nothing else you can be satisfied with that involved shooting me down. You've already won earlier, remember?"

"Why is this such a big deal to you, Faye?"

"Because of the fact that you're not letting me go!" My voice had grown louder, so I pursed my lips and frowned. "I just don't understand why the hell I can't go, Spike. What good enough reason is there to prove that I can't go?"

Spike didn't look at me, but I saw the frown creasing his brow. "There isn't," he said and I sighed.

"So you just decide to overrule my choice to go just like that? No motive or anything behind it?" I shut my eyes and shook my head. "Forget it, I give up."

"Not like you to, Valentine," he said easily and I grunted, raising an eyebrow.

"Not like you to make decisions for me, _Spiegel_," I countered.

There was a long pause, and it was starting to get uncomfortable for me when Spike spoke. "I guess you're right."

"Huh?" I watched as he blew out smoke against the glass, forming and curving around the window.

Spike shrugged a shoulder. "There really isn't reason for you not going."

"Then why didn't you let me go earlier?" I asked stupidly.

He smirked. "That I can't answer you."

"You can't or you won't?"

"Both."

I rolled my eyes. Well, at least I actually got what I wanted. I didn't really feel like throwing more inquiries on Spike since it was way too late for me to argue, so I just kept my mouth shut, satisfied with our negotiation. This had just reminded me of how both dumb and strange Spike could be.

For the next few minutes, we stayed at our positions, just staring out the window. At some point, Spike had put out his cigarette and then we were enveloped in awkwardness, which made me frustrated. How long is this going to keep up, me being so sketchy around Spike? I just wanted things back to how they used to be: our lives not interfering, Spike being an ass and I being bitchy. Granted, we both still are, but somehow there was a price we paid for our actions that weighed a lot more than I know we both can handle. But I suppose since it is the beginning of our new lives, we were excused from the comfort of being around each other. As ridiculous as that sounds, it was true.

Suddenly, a soft cry filled the acoustics of the room and I was brought from my current state into my maternal one – and I still laugh at that word "maternal" – as Cailin's demands were being made known.

I pulled away from the glass and was about to leave, but Spike cleared his throat and I stopped in mid-step and looked at him.

"Do you think I can…tonight?"

I blinked at him, amusement and surprise coursing through me. Well, I suppose it wouldn't hurt for him to do it. I mean, I was pretty sweaty and tired from the workout, so handling Cailin at this hour would be very exhausting for me. So, I nodded at him.

"Sure. I think she's hungry, so I'll go ahead and warm her bottle. You can go get her," I told him and walked out of the room. As I walked past my room, I heard Spike go in there and it just felt really strange. Everything felt strange. I just couldn't believe that Spike was actually going to be so…paternal to Cailin, but then I guess it would happen sooner or later, so I should just get over the shock now. I padded into the kitchen and turned the lights on then went ahead and prepared Cailin's formula. As I set the bottle in the heating water, Spike came in with Cailin in his arms.

My heart skipped a beat, but I couldn't be sure if it was because of the anxiety and paranoia of him dropping her, or because of the emotion that I can't place of seeing him holding her so gently. He glanced at me and in his eyes, I saw that he held a certain look and I almost choked.

Spike was seeking my approval.

For once, the lunkhead was looking for _my _approval, when for the past two years I had plenty of times been looking for his. I couldn't convey any surprise, because then it would ruin the rawness of all this, so I pursed my lips and gave him a nod. Cailin cooed and Spike returned his gaze to her, engrossed in the infant's actions.

From my position against the range I watched Spike as he leaned on the refrigerator, handling the baby in his arms like it was breakable. This was actually the first time that Spike held Cailin, and I sensed his apprehension, because that was how I felt sometimes holding her against my chest at night. I watched the emotions flitter across his face, and it was just pure amazement to me. Never had I seen Spike act so freaking human, and watching him almost made me cry. And I knew that it was because it wasn't me that could bring such compassion from him, but rather a mistake that we did that could.

I flushed and turned away from him and just watched the pot, feeling foolishly stupid for actually being jealous of my daughter. And for actually wanting to be the one bringing this side out of him. Of course it wouldn't be me to do that, because even if I tried, Spike would shut himself away.

When the bottle was finally warm, I removed it from the water and tested it on my wrist before turning back to Spike and handing it to him.

"Here, you hold the bottle like this," I told him and proceeded to instruct him on how to feed the baby before allowing him to hold the bottle by himself. I stepped away from him and crossed my arms over my chest, refusing any emotions to be present on my face. Because I sure as hell knew that I had too many running through me at the moment.

It was silent in the kitchen as I watched Cailin hungrily take the milk from the bottle, her tiny hands gripping the sides in a desperation that I could relate to. Spike just gazed at her with a wonder in his eyes, and I was pleased to see him finally happy about something. And though I was covetous that it hadn't been me that made him happy, I was glad that it was something that we produced _together_ that did. At least now I was really sure that Spike held true to his word.

When the suckling stopped, I returned my eyes to Spike and saw that Cailin was now done consuming. I took the bottle from Spike's hand and set in the sink, making sure to remember to do the dishes in the morning. When I turned around, I saw that Spike didn't need further instruction and now had Cailin resting against his shoulder, and that he was now gently patting her back. His hand seemed to encompass the entire span of her back, but I knew he was tender in his actions.

"You do it like this, right?" His voice seemed to hold a genuine innocence and was so soft that it was hard matching his demeanor now to his usual fitful personality.

I nodded and decided to give Spike some privacy, so I started moving towards the entrance of the kitchen. "Um, I'm just going to go and clean things up in my room. You can just stay here, or whatever. When Cailin falls back asleep just bring her to the room," I said and quickly ducked out of the kitchen and almost ran to my room like a scared little girl.

Once inside, I let out a breath and chastised myself for being so silly. It wasn't like Spike would come after me, but I didn't want to wait for his answer, in case it was something that I didn't want to hear. Faye the bounty hunter wouldn't have run away from anything, but Faye the mother runs away from responses that won't even hurt her.

In the next thirty minutes I ran around in my room, rearranging things and making something out of the mess that my room was. With a crib it's hard as it is to maneuver around, but with baby junk all over the place, it's just downright unbearable. I stuffed all my dirty laundry in a new hamper that I had bought and piled all the diaper packs in a neat stack, making a decent amount of walking room.

After I was done "cleaning", I flopped down on my bed and tiredly pushed strands away from my face. I was exhausted, and since getting enough sleep wasn't as easy as I wished it would be, I at least needed the sleep that I _could_ get. But as my eyes started to drift close, I realized something and shot back up so fast that it took a few seconds to recover from the sudden dizziness.

I had forgotten that Spike still had Cailin. He hasn't come in yet and I was starting to panic. It doesn't take Cailin thirty minutes to fall back asleep, especially after she ate, so I couldn't fathom as to why Spike didn't place her back in my care. I jumped off the bed and rushed out of my room, running to the kitchen, but when I entered it, it was empty and my heart started to accelerate. Call it a mother's possessiveness, but it just made me fretful if I didn't know where my baby was. If I wasn't so fearful, I would've laughed this new attitude, but I didn't have time to think of anything. I turned and walked out of the kitchen, wondering where Spike had gone.

But as I walked into the living room, I jumped and gasped in surprise and relief. Somehow I missed him in my haste to get to the kitchen, but Spike was sitting on the couch with Cailin on his shoulder. Both of them were sleeping.

I stood there, getting my breath back and I just looked over Spike, at how calm and…happy he looked. With Cailin resting in the crook of his neck, he actually looked the role of a father, and I guess I just wasn't ready to expect that because I was just transfixed in wonder.

Spike. A _father_. How unreal was that? Well, I suppose not as uncanny as _me_ being a mother, but still, it was Spike and the last thing I'd think of him raising was a child. But here he was, sitting there in an uncomfortable position to sleep in, but he looked so content that you wouldn't have guessed he used to be some cynical man with no purpose in life other than dying.

And you wouldn't have guessed that I used to be a woman who gambled and held no care for anyone other than herself, but I couldn't help as some emotion surged through me that was quite the opposite of resentment toward Spike.

I sat down on the chair across from them, in fear that my legs weren't strong enough to hold me up right now. Because I was floored at my sudden realization.

So now I understood my actions and behavior over the past months of my pregnancy. Hell, now I understood how I felt the day Spike left. But I just didn't understand why it struck me _now_. I didn't know why this stupid thing couldn't have waited until things settled down before coming to oppress me.

As I sat there for God knows how long, I replayed the past months over in my head, analyzing my actions, now feeling so stupid because I acted like an idiot. I never talked to Spike not because I was afraid he would leave, but because I was afraid I would have accidentally said something that would really make him leave. I wasn't angry at him, but at me because I couldn't grasp the new feeling then. I reacted all those ways lately because well, that's how I'm _supposed_ to act in this…recreation of the heart. And I was afraid to let Spike hold Cailin because maybe somehow he will look at her and know everything that she knew.

He would know that I am madly in love with him. And _then_ he would leave. Because I'm stupid enough to actually fall for a guy like him, to now let things _really_ change between us.

I groaned and leaned forward, setting my elbows on my knees and resting my head on my palms. God, why _him_ of all people! Why should I let a man who has no reason to love me back or even give me a second thought get a hold of a heartstring that I didn't even know existed?

I didn't even know that I could possess love for a single person, but Cailin proved otherwise and now that I've realized it, so had Spike.

I am _such_ a stupid woman.

**

* * *

**

**A/N: **Hmm, okay so yeah. There you have it. I hope I didn't rush her silent declaration, but if I didn't do it now, then the romance wouldn't progress. And I know this may read so incredibly cliche, but this is only the beginning. I'm also hoping that they don't seem too OOC, but you have to understand that having a baby screws with people's emotions, especially theirs. So they're pretty vulnerable right now. That, and I was up at two thirty writing this, so excuse the lame mush. )


	6. Break Down and Divide

**Chapter VI : _Break Down and Divide_**

"Spike, you're an asshole."

I sighed as I brought the cigarette up to my mouth, taking a deep drag. I felt it as my lungs pulled on the seducing smoke desperately, the need for the nicotine overwhelming the need for actual oxygen. I held it in for a few more seconds than necessary and blew it out slowly, watching the contaminated air materialize from my mouth into the air, smirking.

Yes, old habits do die hard.

Officially, I had quit smoking, but honestly, I couldn't refuse when I found a pack smushed in my makeshift closet as I was searching for my cocktail dress with the last cigarette in there. It was practically calling out my name, and God knows I've needed one this whole entire week. I felt a little guilty when I looked at Cailin, which is why I am hiding in the main control room right now, indulging one last time. Come on, a mother needs to get a break sometimes.

And I was alone as well. So, I technically was speaking to no one, but had Spike in my mind and I couldn't help calling him an asshole out loud. It feels better when you can actually hear yourself say it, just because I feel more justified saying it rather than keeping it inside.

I was leaning against the big console in the center of the room, staring out at the nightlife of Tharsis over the water. Dots of colors sparkled across the water at me, forcing their beauty upon me just like everything and everyone in that wretched city. If I were more naïve I would have gladly accepted the striking wonders of life only a body of water away, but I've lived too long and too much to know any less. That's what you get when you subject yourself to a life filled with varying plights; you risk any chance of seeing the world through immaculate eyes and enjoying life. My jade eyes are fare too jaded for any of that shit.

The big lights illuminated the big city, blinding newcomers from the actual horridness that lurked beneath the rich and magnificent boundary. It never once fazed me when I caught a bounty in an alley just behind a tall skyscraper full of rich and pretentious people. It's just a huge metaphor of the oil mixed with water shit; just turn a corner and look up, then you will see your match.

I hate this city.

I frowned and thought about tonight. It was Friday, the thirteenth (ironic—though I am far from superstitious), a week from mine and Spike's encounter, and the night of the "blind date" I had with the bounty. We landed on Mars three days ago, and I spent that time buying supplies for Cailin. But this entire week was filled with awkward feelings and bloody tongues because I was both avoiding and being closer to Spike. I let my possessive barrier up and allowed Spike to take care of Cailin more, so obviously he was starting to spend more time hanging around me. Okay, so maybephysically he was close to me, but I know that I closed myself up every time he accidentally brushed my arm, or every time he walked past me and that damned scent of his laughed its way into my nose.

And that whole time I was asking myself over and over why in all planetary life I just had to choose him to fall for. That idiot of a man; that arrogant jerk; that carefree guy who only cares about one woman; that man who had nothing going for him but would give up everything for nothing. God, that man that I just can't help thinking about all the goddamn time.

I never expected to think anything more of Spike than just some guy that gave no inclination to his past. I never expected to even last past two months living with him. And I spent almost nine months with him before he ran off on his little 'escapade'. Blah blah, my emotions were shackled for six months and right before I was really going to let go of him, Spike comes waltzing back onto the ship, scars and tales in tow no doubt, but not a single word other than that devilish smirk. And then I spent another nine months with him.

So now I'm here. Where 'here' is, I have no idea, but I'm definitely there. But I do know that ever since Spike came back, our orbitals that have been once jarred into each other were now invaded and looped in an intricate swine. I hated the fact that Spike was all in my personal planer at first, but now . . . now I'm trying to scratch through his cloud barriers. It's futile though. Everything dealing with Spike is futile.

I sighed and took another long drag as a certain word drifted in my mind along with the smoke above my eyes.

Love.

I cringed.

It's a pretty intimidating word. I've been loved once before in my life, I know it, but I can'tremember that feeling. All I have are images of warm smiles and passing of caring words. And now I'm thrown into the pool of 'Love' feelings, and I'm sorry, but I have no fucking clue on how to deal with it. I figured I do have love, but I have love for different things. I love—loved—gambling, I loved spending money, I loved—love—smoking, and I love my daughter. And whether I knew it then or not, I love the circus of a family I'm living with.

But the word love and Spike…that's just a curveball thrown at me. I've never been in love before. Not in a love that I felt in and out of me, choking me in my sleep, the singsong voice of it hovering in my ears incessantly like a pesky insect. But I'm starting to get scared because now I'm beginning to feel all those symptoms, and . . . I just don't want it to be known. I may have changed, but there's no way I'm telling anyone how I feel.

I tell Jet, he'll look at me incredulously for three hours straight before condoling me in a lecturing manner.

I tell Ed, she's just going to laugh and unintentionally make a rhyming song of it and sing it in front of everyone.

I tell Spike and he'll just tell me I'm being stupid and that he won't be able to give me anything in return, all that bullshit.

Why the hell is life this complicated? Why does it have to be so cruel as to place reckless sentiments on people who aren't in the slightest way prepared for it?

"Faye! Where the hell are you?"

Jet's voice rung me from my contemplation and I tilted my head towards the entranceway. I moved off the console and looked around until I found an ashtray, dejectedly stubbing whatever was left of the cigarette out. I got out of the control room and made my way back into the hallway, going through until I reached the location of Jet's voice.

I entered the front room and in there I found Jet pacing around with Cailin cradled gently in his arms. Despite his gruffness, it was so obvious that it was in Jet's nature to raise a child. Even in his anger Jet was so careful with a baby. I raised an eyebrow and he frowned at me.

"What? And please don't say that shit in front of the baby," I said, uninterested in hearing him whine about the tardiness he thinks I'm demonstrating.

Jet shook his head. "Where were you? Your date is at seven thirty and it's already seven fifteen."

I rolled my eyes. My date. A pathetic way to get any, but thank God it's not for pleasure. Here's where I would gladly refuse mixing business and pleasure, whether Spike's involvement in my life matters or not. I'd have to be a desperate fool to want anything to do with a guy whose worth is posted above his picture.

The restaurant is ten miles away by drive, but I can easily make it in five minutes by air. No big deal. I didn't answer his question and in response, my eyes slid toward Cailin and I looked back at Jet, tilting my head in question. "Was she crying?"

Jet looked at Cailin and I saw his face flush as he looked down at her. "Yeah. Spike was busy in the kitchen so I changed her diaper."

I smiled. "Thanks Jet. I always figured you'd be handy in babysitting," I said. "Let me just get my gun and then I'll go." Then I walked into the hallway and into my room. I grabbed my thigh holster and my gun, flicking the release and the clip slid from the handle and I checked to see that the chamber was full, and I pushed the clip back into place. I then put it in the holster, which I wrapped around my thigh, my best and safe hiding place. I turned to the full mirror on my door and straightened out my dress, reassuring myself that I still looked good in it and that I still had it in me to seduce strangers. I pulled a stray strand back into my bun and fixed a spot of makeup that hadn't even smeared.

I had been standing in front of my mirror for five minutes now, and I realized the longer I stayed here, the more finicky I'd be. Exhaling a long breath, I smirked at my reflection before grabbing a shawl and finally exiting my room.

Spike, Ed and Ein joined Jet when I got back there, but I ignored Spike's sharp look as I made my way to the table, even if I was starting to feel the embers crackle and jump inside me. I spent the whole time getting ready ignoring him and his stupid gaze, and I was determined to not let him shake me up. Jet handed me a tiny microphone and I clipped it inside my dress, now ready to go.

"You remember who to catch, right?" Jet asked and I nodded, fixing an earring.

"Yes. Come on Jet. It's only been several months, I'm not rusting already," I said with slight annoyance.

He sighed and ran a hand over his bare scalp. "I know, but I want to make sure you know what you're doing."

I noticed that he wasn't holding Cailin anymore and I turned my head, seeing that she was now balanced on Spike's knees as he sat there quietly on the couch, regarding me with a mindful stare. His sudden carefulness and fathering still befuddled me, and it's hard placing Spike on that same pedestal and judging him the same way that I had months before. Granted, his feelings toward me probably haven't changed much, but he didn't let his previous misgivings about me affect his newfound paternal instincts, and I credited him for that. But as his eyes watched me, I felt that wave of uneasiness come washing up on me and I looked away from him, angry with myself for wishing he were looking at me under different circumstances. As if it were our date I was getting ready for.

I shook my head. "I'll be fine." I wrapped the sheer black shawl around my shoulders and started walking up the stairs towards the hatch. "If I have any problems, you'll hear, okay? See you guys," I called out behind my shoulder before stepping out of the door and into the hanger.

* * *

The ride to the restaurant was silent but very noisy. I could barely concentrate on my piloting because Spike was in my head. Good grief, with all these thoughts of him, I'm starting to believe that I'm more in the deep than I thought I was. 

But the distraction was simple. I was kicking myself because in my haste and carefulness in being as far away from him as I can be, I completely neglected saying goodbye to my daughter. Is this how it's going to be? Spike's nearness and mereexistence ultimately driving me away from my own child? If I'm going to owe it to Cailin at all, then I'm going to have to start picking up my heart and hiding it.

I shook my head, hoping to rid myself of these tainted thoughts. Tonight can't be a night where I'm focusing on Spike. I have the rest of my life to do that.

I groaned. Spending the rest of my life wondering if Spike could ever return my feelings. Return my stupid feelings that I shouldn't even be having. It's hard reminding myself everyday why I care so much for him, but every time I see him holding Cailin with a soft look on his face, it gets easier at night. Then in the morning the cycle starts over.

I sighed and blinked to get out of my stupor, looking around to see if the restaurant was nearby. I didn't see it anywhere, yet I knew this was the street it was on, and the street was about to merge into a completely different street. So when I looked in the rearview mirror and saw Le Soleil Noir behind me, I gritted my teeth at my carelessness.

"Shit," I muttered and swiftly turned my spacecraft around and flew towards the restaurant, landing with more gusto than grace. I smirked as the valet boy's eyes widened at the abrupt parking, and when I got out of my vehicle I simply tossed the key at him without a second glance.

I entered into the foyer and paused to take a look at the surroundings, giving a low whistle of appreciation. Well, it seems that our bounty here has some nice taste. I took a deep breath and rewrapped my shawl around me, putting on my game face. I stepped up to the podium where the host was standing and gave him a flirty smile. I noticed his eyes briefly traveled the length of my body and I smirked inwardly.

"Good evening ma'am, welcome to Le Soleil Noir. Is this a party of one or two?"

"Two. Muschovitz," I replied.

He skimmed the list and when he found the name he looked back at me and smiled. "This way please."

I followed him and looked around the restaurant, observing all the people around. This obviously was a high-class restaurant (though it kept the old-fashioned impression with actual waiters and waitresses) as the patrons were all adorned in furs and diamonds, just one of the many quirks about this city. As I was passing tables I saw from the corner of my eyes men looking at me: married men, men with girlfriends, single men; hell, men with their boyfriends, and I wondered why exactly I was being so attractive. I mean, I know that my sex appeal was my biggest asset, but it's been a long time since I've dressed up and I sure as hell know that my sexiness couldn't have gotten any fresher. But that was only a passing thought as I reveled in the attention.

The glances just kept turning my way and there were occasionally winks, but in the back of my mind I was thinking of why I hadn't gotten any more than an uninterested glance from Spike.

I frowned, chiding myself. I've only been in this restaurant for not even ten minutes and already I was thinking of Spike. I need to focus.

I was seated at a table in the center of the room and I was pleased when I saw the bar within twenty feet. If this night turns out to be a total disaster, I know I have a trusted bottle of whisky to fall back on, hopefully along with full and happy pockets from other men to finance my liquid submission.

After a few minutes a waiter came by. "Good evening, I'm Laurie and I'll be your waiter for the night. Would you like a drink, ma'am while you wait?"

"I'll have a glass of martini, please. Dry." She left and I sat there, feeling a bit awkward and out of place. I wasn't exactly dressed properly for this kind of restaurant, but not completely underdressed; my slinky dress reached about mid-thigh and though the front didn't dip so low the back of my dress showed more than half of my back, but thankfully my shawl kept my white skin from being shown. I was getting bad looks from the women, but I dismissed them. It wasn't really my fault if they looked like prudes compared to me.

My drink came shortly after and I sipped on it, watching the clock every other minute. I've been sitting here for almost ten minutes now and I was starting to get bored. And I was hoping not to get bored because if I started to drift away from my purpose here, I know I would start thinking about Spike and what he was doing at the moment. And that's a much not needed topic on my mind.

I frowned down at the tablecloth and the neat setting of the plate and utensils, wishing that Spike would just vanish from my mind for at least an hour. God, I wish I would just stop thinking about thinking of him!

I was staring at the table for quite some time and was startled when I heard my name called from above me. I looked up and was faced with the most gorgeous sight ever. If I weren't sitting down already, I probably would've been floored.

Blue eyes were shining at me, set in a face that looked impossibly molded to perfection. It was chiseled but so impeccably soft; he looked like an angel. Or, some rich and beautiful model. I decided to go with the former, just to appease my logic. Chocolate brown hair was pulled back into a ponytail at the nape of his neck and wayward strands were dancing around his face, giving more attention to his defined cheekbones. His suit accented his look very well; the pristine white of his shirt contrasting against striking black made him look so…regal, so wealthy looking. But it was his tie that stood out; the pale blue silk made his eyes look even bluer.

"Faye Valentine?" he repeated again and I blinked up at him, feeling myself blush for openly ogling this guy.

"Yeah, um, yes. I'm sorry, but do you have the wrong table?" I realized that that was a dumb question to ask, but at the moment I was feeling really dumb. He couldn't possibly be the bounty. There hadn't been a picture, but I had imagined that this guy I was after was middle aged with thinning hair and well . . . nothing like the handsome man standing in front of me.

He laughed and I just about swooned. "That should be my question. I walked in and saw a beautiful violet-haired woman sitting alone and refused to believe that such a woman could be my blind date."

I knew I shouldn't have believed that such a lame pick-up line could have made me blush, but it was the way that he had said it that made all derisive thoughts shoot out of my head. His voice was like silk, the kind that's hard to find anywhere in this galaxy. It was rich and soft, vivid yet subtle, a voice that could put me to sleep with one word.

I shook my head and awkwardly stood up to formally greet him. I smiled softly at him. "Sorry, I was just confused. I didn't expect you to look . . . um, like you," I said, and I knew my face was heating up. Good going Faye, what a way at taking control of the date.

He placed a hand on my back and it surprised me when I felt his cool hand touch the bare skin of my back. But as quick as it came it went away as he pulled away and pulled my seat back out for me. When he sat down he smiled at me and when I saw dimples I had to keep from sighing.

He laughed softly at my comment. "Yeah, can't really get much out of those online dating services. It's my first time doing one; my friends set me up on it," he told me and immediately I was drawn back into the real world. I couldn't believe that I almost completely forgot why exactly I was on this date, that some pretty face distracted me from doing my job.

I laughed along with him, and when I smiled at him his eyes widened. I was alarmed and felt my heart race at his panic. Why I was, I don't really know, but he seemed alert so suddenly that for a second I thought he found out that I was out for his bounty.

"What's wrong?" I asked, carefully masking my voice to make it seem worried, and he shook his head, his long hair swishing behind him.

"I'm an ass. I apologize; I haven't even introduced myself," he said and I wanted to laugh at him. More so at myself for even worrying that he possibly knew that I was here strictly on business. He held his hand out for me and I shook it. "Alecto Muschovitz, but people tend to call me Alec. You can call me Alecto, Alec, or whatever suits you. Heck, Jackass would work, but I'm not sure if people would respond well with that one."

I shook my head and wondered if he had some kind of spell on him that made me act so careless with my caution.

He had been holding onto my hand for a minute longer, so I gingerly slipped mine out of his grip and picked up my glass. "Well, you already know my name. Faye Valentine."

He smiled again and I swear I was blinded by the whiteness of his straight teeth. "Valentine," he murmured. "A lovely name. So unlike Muschovitz, it's soft and easy on the ears. A fitting name for a lady like yourself."

I flushed at his flattery, despite its utter unoriginality. But as soon as that action was executed I quickly amended that I had become rosy at the cheeks just to spite him.

The waiter came again, but this time we ordered food and while waiting we engaged ourselves in light conversation.

"So, Alec—Alec is fine right?" I asked and he nodded. "What do you do for a living?"

If he was affected by my question at all he didn't show anything, and instead smiled easily. "Well, I work for a business that handles corporate affairs," he said and I nodded, but I wondered at how and why he came to shutting down the place. He just seemed so young to want to do something wrong. Then again, it's his mind that comes up with these plans, and I'm one to try and look into these things. I'm the one to do the dirty work.

"And you," his voice brought me back from my thinking and my eyes refocused on the piercing blue. "What do you do?"

I was quick to think of an answer.

"Well, I work for a magazine. I'm not involved in any of the writing, thank God, but I handle all the celebrities and set up interviews and such," I lied with ease. It's so easy coming up with a completely different life.

Alec nodded, and I hoped that he wouldn't want to talk about it as much. Thankfully he didn't ask any more questions about it, and I was fair and didn't press on about his job, as I already knew more than I needed to. It wouldn't do him any better lying to me. His credentials were already weakened enough as it is, and to know that he would so easily lie to a total stranger didn't really work well.

Our food came and we ate with a light chatter. It really would have been better had he not been a bounty, but it also would have been better if I wasn't a bounty hunter. But ah well, that's life I guess, just one big playing field with the game of cat and mouse.

I studied him as we ate and I marveled at how incredibly calm he was acting. And I almost felt bad for him, knowing that in less than and hour he's going to be putting that beautiful smile of his to use for his mug shot. I wondered if this was how assassins felt before they killed someone; knowing that they had control over a person's life. Whether I wanted to or not, I also wondered if this was how Spike felt with his duties in the Syndicate, if he ever felt anything at all before ruining someone's life. I shrugged inwardly; guilty or not, it's not really my favor at being in control of another person's fate. My own life is enough shit to deal with already.

"You know, Faye, I'm having a enjoyable time with you," he suddenly said and I looked at him, wishing I could feel the same.

"Thank you. I'm having a wonderful time as well." Saying it would just have to do, proving another fact that the world is chockfull of liars.

He smiled, but now I wasn't blinded by the dazzling whiteness. It was still amazing—my heart had flipped over only once—but I was cursing my damned job at forcing me to be the least bit resentful towards my bounty/date.

I took a sip of my wine and waited patiently for Alec to finish his dinner. I looked around the restaurant and glowered slightly the impression of richness and grandiosity all around, this whole place full of liars and lustful people, living their careless lives in this godforsaken city. This is the life you see through eyes of a person floating above their heads on a daily basis.

Alec dropped his napkin and bent down to get it and when I looked behind him my heart stopped.

When he sat back up, I grabbed a hold of my purse and scooted my seat back.

"Um, If you'll excuse me, I have to go to the restroom," I told him and he nodded, getting up from his seat along with me. I tried not to rush past him as I stalked towards a table two behind us.

As soon as I sat down on the empty seat I quietly hissed, "What the hell are you doing here?"

Spike watched me with amused eyes and kept his elbows on the table, which I was itching to knock off. If anything, he leaned in close to me and shrugged one sharp shoulder.

"Having dinner."

My eyes narrowed at him. For a moment I didn't know what to say, just because everything I wanted to say couldn't be said without attracting unwanted attention.

"Dinner?" I asked slowly and as calm as I can mange.

"Isn't that what I said?" An eyebrow twitched and my eyes flickered toward his glass, but alas, Spike caught on and easily took it out of any potential reach. To make it worse, he drank it all and gave me a smirk. "I'm a bit thirsty."

I rested my arms on the table and rubbed my temple. "I'm going to ask you again, Spike. Why are you here? What, did you not trust me enough to be able to catch a bounty by myself that you had to come spy on me? Did Jet put you up to this?"

He shrugged, and I could see the enjoyment swirling in his russet eyes. "Jet doesn't know I'm here."

Now I was cursing him for drinking all his wine. "How did you get in?" Though that wasn't really what I needed to know, I was wondering as to how Spike of all people got a seat in this restaurant.

"I frequented here in my Syndicate years," he said and I pushed no further, just to save us the awkwardness of relapsing to his pleasant or unpleasant memories.

"Where's the baby?"

"With Jet and Ed." He seemed to enjoy answering my questions that I was asking in panic.

I closed my eyes and put a hand to my forehead, trying to cool down. "Spike," I said, this time tired of arguing with him. "Just because I'm pissed off until forever right now and my date is waiting, I'm going to leave this table and I want you out of this."

I opened my eyes, silently pleading with him. As much as I hate begging for anything, I really needed this from Spike.

He either got my message or decided to drop the easiness of his part in this conversation. "Fine. But really, it's not my fault that you noticed me in the first place. I was surprised that you even took time to look away from your pretty boy bounty there."

I smirked at him. "Why, are you jealous Spike?"

He threw me a smile and pointed to his ear. "I can hear you Faye and you sound a little more eager than you should. Either you're a really good actor or you're actually enjoying yourself." After a moment of my silence he leaned in close and asked, "Is he really getting your panties in a twist?"

Though his voice was laced with sarcasm, his eyes told me something completely different. Ever since I learned of the tragic tale of his two-toned eyes, in hindsight I was more careful at reading into them, or rather, more interested. Despite the fact that I never knew anything beyond the lazy and blasé look he commonly gazed upon me with, I could distinguish an underlying emotion when they would flash with intensity.

He was looking at me with fire shooting through, the lights in them crackling like they're almost on the verge of exploding. Like firecrackers before they're fired off. I was drawn back for a moment; just because the last time I saw this much power in his eyes was when he found out about Julia.

I stared at the tablecloth and tried to rummage through my swirling head. His remark and his eyes snapped something inside my mind, a plethora of emotions pricking and punching behind my eyes, giving me more of an ache than any other internal head sore.

I was tired. Tired of feeling more than the default indifference towards the very man sitting across from me, tired of believing that I could actually go on when my heart is staked near him, constantly at his heels, and I fully knew that he could very easily stomp on it at any given moment.

I had no idea why I deluded myself into thinking that unrequited love would be easier than actually giving love.

The silly and most pungent thing about this? I'm stuck in this warp. Like the gate of the astral environment when it closes up, I'm trapped in this feeling. It's not a playing card that I can tuck into my shirtsleeve for convenient use later on. There is no switch for turning off love.

I swore heavily. The heavy smoke got into my eyes and now I'm blinding myself with pity and useless love.

"Faye." The graveness of his baritone voice contrasted sharply with Alec's smooth and placid undertones; it was sandpaper clashing with silk.

But the texture of his voice wasn't the only thing that I noticed. He called my voice low, with a hint of fervor laced into his drawl, and it almost reminded me of how he called my name with feeling behind it, dated ten and something months ago.

I inclined my head towards him and dragged my eyes up to meet his. I pursed my lips and pretended to look casual, but either Spike was too clever or I was making a half-assed attempt.

We stared at each other, and if it weren't for the rawness of my emotions right now, I probably would have noted that something shifted in the air between our eyes.

I didn't want to say anything in fear that my words would stumble out from underneath my tongue in a jumble and within the stutters and mutters Spike would easily pick out some inadvertent confession. So I didn't and prayed that he wouldn't say another stupid comment that would rush me into another lapse of self-musing.

With a flash of his pupils and a witted grin, Spike cocked his head in the direction behind me and said, "I think your date's waiting."

I restrained from sighing in relief and began to gather my purse. He quietly watched me as I re-oriented myself from the momentary discomfort, absently pulling hair behind my ear and tugging at my hem as I rose from my seat. I didn't look at him as I turned around and walked back to my table where Alec was patiently waiting.

When I sat down I gave him an apologetic smile. "Sorry I took so long. Those damn lines."

He laughed and the corners of his eyes crinkled. "Well, you came just in time. Our desert is here." Right as he finished speaking the waiter came back with a dessert cart flourished with pastries. "You choose first, Faye."

Biting my lip, I looked over at all the little dishes and almost smiled in giddiness despite my brief inner turmoil just two minutes ago. It's been years since I've indulged myself in a delicious dessert like these. I was even happier with the fact that I didn't have to pay for any of this. My hand plucked what looked like to be a slice of pie from the tray and I smiled as I took the first bite.

I noticed Alec looking at me after a while and I paused (though regrettably) in my delving to look back at him, hoping I didn't look as annoyed as I felt. But he was grinning at me stupidly, his plate of raspberry rum cake untouched.

I blinked and wondered if there was anything on my face. "What?" I asked.

Teeth were showing now and he shook his head, leaning forward in his seat. "Nothing, nothing," he said but I raised an eyebrow in question.

"Do you know how beautiful you are when you smile?"

"Actually, I did, but thanks for telling me," I said simply with a smirk. My dazzling date laughed and finally started on his dessert. I gratefully returned to my pie.

I finished with more poise than I would ever eat a pie with and was now busying myself with taking sips of wine. I gazed around again but directly avoided the area behind Alec, even though I could feel the searing of his eyes on me. My nerves were pinched and my heart was trembling in fretfulness and tumult. I cursed my body for being late in corresponding with my emotions.

I moved a hand to the side of my leg and through the stocking I could feel the iciness of my palm. It was surprising maddening to me; I swore to myself that these bullets in my gun would be put into Spike's foot by the end of the night.

As my anger settled in me I actually started to think about Spike's reason for being here. Not for my benefit, and certainly not for his own. For professional reasons, yes, I could understand, but Spike was as lazy as the homeless men who loiter around the streets begging for money and/or sympathy. But forpersonal reasons . . . Spike cared about me as much as he cared about the weather. His feelings for me are never intentional if ever good, and if not that, then his consistent grumbling surely gives away his contempt for my existence.

I was at a standstill. Either Spike was here to be "back-up" or—though extremely disbelieving—he actually cared about my well being. But I fervently rejected that idea. Knowing that there were potential emotions relating to care or even possibly love running through that man put me on the edge of a cliff. How could I function knowing that my love was not so unrequited after all? I would be a goddamn hypocrite, that's what.

Again, I easily picked up that thought and crushed it, just because a) it would never happen and b) Spike had to have been smart to avoid loving me altogether.

In my half awareness, my peripheral vision picked up golden hues and I was immediately drawn back into attentiveness. I followed the trail of the fair color, my heart clamming up, but this time in fear. Her hair was the same golden I remembered, and the glow of the waving locks made everything around her dull considerably.

She was a waitress here. Questions demanding quick answers were darting in my head, but I could only watch as she made her way past our table and towards the very table Spike was sitting at. My heart rate increased by ten beats per second and I quickly looked to Spike. He was busy with the menu in front of him and I was silently pleading for her to pass him and for him to not look up until she walked past.

She was as tall as I remembered, slender too. Her stride was the same cool collectiveness and I took time to bemuse myself with wondering why she took a job here, in a restaurant of all places. A woman of her caliber, I thought, wouldn't die and then come back as a waitress.

To my absolute horror she stopped right in front of Spike and when he looked up, I saw the shock register in his eyes and I looked back to the blonde and though she didn't turn around enough for me to see her full facial features, I was sure her blue eyes were shining back at him, the joy evident in her eyes knowing that she caught her love off guard with her unexpected appearance. When she tilted her head slightly I saw her long, oval face and knew that red lips were smiling sad and loving, reassuring my absolute worst fear.

I swallowed a deep lump in my throat and in the process I almost swallowed my tongue on the very name that made my stomach curl simultaneously in disgust and the bitter beginnings of defeat.

Julia.


	7. Interlude

**Disclaimer: **Standard rules apply.

**Pee-Ess: **Wow, the annual anniversay mark has _just_ been passed. With a mere number of seven chapters. If that doesn't say something about my progress, then I won't encourage anything else that will give it away.

* * *

**Interlude**

**(Tuesday, March 10; three days prior to blind date) **

There was an insistent knock at the door and she waved her personal assistant to open the door. A man steadily walked through and up to the woman's desk, placing a folder in front of her.

She looked at it and back up at him, raising a perfected eyebrow. "What is this?"

"The files found on one of your targets, ma'am. Ms. Valentine has been found on the internet," he said and promptly left thereafter.

The woman sitting down at the desk (newly buffed) raised her eyebrows slightly and opened the manila folder, peering down at the documents.

After a few minutes of shuffling through papers and some brief comments under a sharp tongue, she closed the folder and snapped at her assistant.

"Get Alecto in here, now," she ordered whilst examining her nails.

The small woman nodded and went out of the room. The woman reopened the folder and sat back in her seat, delicately clasping her hands in front of her and waited for Victoria to return with Alecto.

Victoria came in followed by a handsome young man who looked a bit perturbed to be in the room. Victoria moved to the corner of the room as Alecto walked close to the desk, raising a dark eyebrow at the woman across from him.

"What do you want?" His behavior then and there, if he were anyone else, would have him fired without a second's notice, but the woman had unusually more patience with this particular man.

She smiled at him, her blue eyes meeting his without any intimidation. Perhaps, it was because their eyes shared the same icy tint. She leaned forward and placed her clasped hands on top of the desk, eyeing him with a mix of annoyance and amusement.

"Alecto, _brother_ dear, I have a favor to ask of you," she said, her voice ill with saccharine.

Alecto crossed his arms and tilted his head, matching her smile with one of his own, flashing a dazzling set of straight teeth. "A favor. Knowing you, you'd probably want me to do your dirty laundry, and I don't mean clothes. Am I right Anneleine, _sister_ dear?"

She laughed and shook her head. "Clever you are. Anyway, I want you to look at these files." She then pushed the folder across the desk towards him.

Alecto walked forward and picked it up, opening it and reading the contents inside. After a few minutes he looked at his sister and raised an eyebrow.

"Who is this Faye Valentine?" he asked while gazing at a picture of a beautiful woman with violet hair and striking green eyes. Her expression alone sparked his interest.

Anneleine smiled. "Exchange Valentine with Sadire and tell me if that sounds familiar."

"Sadire? Faye Sadire?" Alecto paused for a moment before his eyes widened. "What the fuck? Sadire as in _the_ Gregory Sadire?"

She nodded. "Yes, as in Gregory Sadire. She is one of our prime targets and I need you to get more information on her."

Alecto threw the folder onto the desk and stared down at his older sister. "Wait a minute. First of all you explain to me what you mean by Faye Sadire. I thought that name had ended more than thirty years ago? How the hell is there a generation popping out of nowhere? Gregory Sadire died thirty-five years ago along with his syndicate. What the hell Anna?"

"Yes, he had died, and soon after his beloved syndicate – as well as the first ever established – collapsed in mourn of their lost leader. Have you ever heard of the Gate accident that happened fifty years ago?"

He thought for a moment then nodded. "Yeah, the one from earth. What about it?"

"Well, Gregory Sadire had a family. He had a wife and a daughter. Faye had been involved in a study and was to be a part of a team that took a shuttle up to the universe and investigate the planetary life. Unfortunately, the shuttle didn't make it past the Gate leading to the developing universe.

"Seemingly; however, there were a few who survived, Faye being one of them. They were in space, and obviously couldn't be brought back to Earth. There was a scientist though on Mars with another research operation on biological life, and he had started a project on cryogenically freezing species. He found Faye and because her files were lost, he decided to use her – without her consent – as his human guinea pig."

Alecto frowned. "So he illegally used her as his test subject? So what, her family thought she was dead?"

"There wasn't any news on anyone making it out okay. Faye was pulled from the shuttle before the investigators could seek through."

He was silent for a moment before asking, "So apparently she's alive and well now? How long was she frozen?"

Anneleine got up from her seat and walked around the desk until she was in front of Alecto. Leaning against the wood, she crossed her arms slowly. "Around fifty years. She woke up five years ago and though there weren't any files found on her, I did my research and put two and two together," she said. Her smile was anything but chaste.

He looked down at the folder than at his sister, perplexed. He knew what her objectives were in terms of this budding syndicate, but he didn't know what the lost daughter of the most notorious syndicate leader had to do with anything. He thought for a moment and realized that his sister's plans were all coming together now.

"So originally you wanted to resurrect the Golden Serpent Syndicate and merge it with the now muddled Red Dragons to fuse the greatest and the strongest, am I right?"

"More or less."

"And you didn't know how you were going to do that. In fact, this…project wasn't even yours to begin with. Father had tried doing this for the majority of his syndicate career."

She sighed and slanted her head. "Alec, he worked so hard for the last ten years of his life in the Red Dragon Syndicate to do this. All he wanted was to bring back the one syndicate that started it all, and by bringing it into the one he was in now, he could have had all the power to control this whole goddamned universe. He died trying, and now I'm stepping up to finish it."

Alecto narrowed his eyes slightly and crossed his own arms. "You honestly think you can pull this off?"

Her laughter was humorless as she pushed herself off the desk and walked around toward the window, gesturing widely to the office. "Look at where we are standing. I have gotten up this far on the ladder with or without anyone getting in my way, and I will honor our father's wishes, however it takes."

"So what does Faye Valentine have to do with any of this shit?"

Anneleine turned around and smiled at him. "Dear brother, this is where the fun starts. You see, I cannot literally resurrect the Golden Serpent Syndicate and take possession of it, seeing as how the legal heir to all executive ownership is alive and well. And because a certain man by the name of Spike Spiegel had single-handedly killed the leader of the Red Dragon, that position is granted to him by default, though regrettably."

Alecto glanced at her. "What? Spike Spiegel? I thought he died."

"Yes, well, that man is very good at hiding. And as it appears to be so, he and our lovely heiress are in near contact with one another," she told him, walking back to her desk and shuffling through some papers until she found the one she had been looking for. She held it up to Alecto and he scanned over it, confusion and bewilderment crossing his handsome face.

"A birth certificate? They had a _kid_ together!"

Anneleine's smile grew. "Which means that the dirty work is done. There is now a _new_ heir to the merged syndicates."

He stared at her. "You've got to be shitting me."

"So." Anneleine pulled out another paper. "It seem that they're making their living as bounty hunters. For their next bounty head, Faye entered herself in a blind date service. This is where you come in."

Alecto laughed at her and after a moment said, "You can't be serious."

"When am I not?" she shot back, raising a brow at him.

He shook his head and gestured wildly with his arms. "So what, you want me to follow her and kidnap her?"

"I don't want Faye. I want her baby. And I need you to put a tracking device on her, which means that you will need to be in physical contact with her. Your best shot is that date."

Alecto sighed and returned his arms to their crossed position. "You're going to track her."

"Obviously we can't get the baby now. We have to wait until they're stabilized on a planet and then when they're least expecting it, we'll snatch little Cailin up. Then voila, we have our new heir to this wonderful junction of syndicates."

"Wait a minute, you said that I have be her blind date? You're putting a bounty on my head?"

"Don't be stupid. There's _already_ a bounty on that date. We'll just capture him ourselves and coerce the lovely duds at ISSP to keep quiet about it. Then, you go in as him, as easy as that. You go on the date, put the tracker on her - and please, don't try anything stupid, Alec. We can't have her falling for you."

He laughed at her audacity. "It's hard _not_ to fall for someone as myself, in all honesty," he said vainly for her sake. As beautiful as this Faye Valentine may be, he's going to politely excuse himself from her and this whole ill-conceived ordeal.

Anneleine's smile was more disconcerting than assuring and Alecto mulled over this proposal. Being younger than his sister, and to be quite truthful more _principled_, he didn't see the straight reasoning beyond his sister's twisted logic. Anneleine wasn't a person to be reckoned with, and she was a narcissist lustful for everything that wasn't hers. These two separate syndicates aren't clubs that she can manage because she says so. Of course, his sister wasn't without education on these things, her position in this corporation (being the best word he can describe it to be seeing as it is without title of being a Syndicate) glorifying her supremacy.

But he didn't see why she had to go and set herself up to _try_ and carry out their father's wishes. If it took their father ten years scheming only to die trying, then how confident is she to actually do it? She had the money and power and contacts to turn this building into a Syndicate building, to, with a flick of her wrist, be the most powerful leader of all syndicates, even more so because she is a woman. But once her interest settled on doing the near impossible to the general throng of syndicate savvy, a witted and devilish smile along with a few vain words set her off with a new mission.

Alecto laughed not kindly and looked at his sister in a mixture of dismay and amusement. "You're going to end up in a pile of bullshit, Anneleine, before you know it."

She laughed mildly. "Ah yes, maybe so," her voice then lowered with an ominous and blazed tone, "but Alec dear, you're going to do what I say, whether you want to or not."

There's the little devil. Alecto's smirk splintered into a waxed smile as he saluted his sister, for all purposes vindictive. He may agree to take part in this expedition, but he won't abide by her orders, seeing as she is not his warden. For conventional purposes, recreation more than intentional, until he can figure how to dismantle her wires.

For now, he will just have to appeal to this Faye Valentine and maybe get more information on her and her "family". Besides, who am I to pass up on a date with a woman such as herself, he thought as he glanced down at the picture on the desk of a violet-haired woman with dazzling green eyes.

"Let the fun begin."


	8. Surprise At Its Worst

**Disclaimer: **Standard rules apply.

* * *

**Chapter VII : ** **_Surprise At Its Worst_**

…Julia.

It was the soft hue of familiar gold that first got Spike's attention. He never knew anyone else who donned that same length and style of blonde hair, and he was sure that he never would again see that same shade of shine. He inwardly shook his head and reminded himself that Julia was no longer living, and that the lights were playing tricks on him. So he went back to regarding the menu, though he wasn't really going to order anything.

But it swished in his peripheral vision and he felt the presence of a body standing nearby, so he felt compelled to look up. Maybe it was the dim lighting, or the way her golden hair shined that reflected the light in his eyes that skewed his correct vision; hell, maybe his brain was acting delusional at the moment.

She was here.

She was here?

Spike, usually rational when it comes to serious matters, didn't conceive anything in his head other than the very verity of Julia standing before him. In effect, his clouded vision took in the tall woman with the familiar face shape and what he knew to be blue eyes shied away by her bangs.

He didn't know how long he sat there staring at her, but he knew that something wasn't right when instead of the proverbial and sad, loving smile given to him by Julia, this…woman smiled brightly and suddenly his eyes focused and he realized his bitter mistake.

_Don't be stupid, Spike. Julia's dead, you're overreacting._

Brown, not blue, eyes gazed down at him and without breaking the structure of her wide smile, the woman spoke, and her light tone signified the contrast between herself and his ex-lover.

"Good evening sir, I'm Madeline and I'll be your waitress tonight. I see you started with a glass of Bordeaux. Would you like to have a refill, sir? If not, are you ready to order?"

The longer he stared, the more he saw the blunt difference, and the more flustered he started feeling. He didn't want to digress, and he couldn't resist with her still standing there.

Spike shook his head and smiled politely at the woman. "Actually, I'm waiting for someone," he lied and she nodded. She offered her assistance and left though not before giving Spike a fleeting look, one that he knew women gave him upon their impression of him.

After she left, he sighed deeply and buried his head in his hands, gripping the roots of his hair tightly. He brewed in annoyance briefly, wondering about his previous misgivings. He didn't think; he didn't take into consideration the danger of Julia working at a restaurant that Red Dragons go to frequently, or of the fact that she shouldn't be alive and breathing, as morbid as that sounds.

He persuaded himself that from that point on, he hated all blondes. Because of a stupid shade of gold, he let his guard down past even his neutral balance of defense, making his vision blurred with the image of someone who was now just a memory.

And it was at that point that he bolted upright, shocked at the lack of grievance he felt, or should be feeling. That left him scowling; angry that he had forgotten about her and that the slight resemblance of her didn't have him aching for his own death.

Then that automatically had him looking towards a pair of green eyes that was regarding him with a mixture of emotions that he couldn't depict, or rather, didn't dare to. He knew that the way she was looking at him exuded the feeling that she was confused and distraught, and that made him happy and frustrated; it was like being shot, the feeling of hot and cold all at once. Faye had thought that she was Julia. And the heated stare she was giving him offered Spike the notion that she was jealous. Which in turn gave him the notion that he liked Faye jealous. Because it meant that she felt something for him, and that gave Spike some ounce of spark that he didn't know existed but welcomed. He had thought his body had been hollowed out when his life was to be ended, but like a well, it unexpectedly filled with waves of emotions.

It happened the day he slept with Faye, and again when Cailin was born, for he had diligently emptied out his well to rid of any emotions regarding his relationship and status with Faye. He knew he shouldn't have done it, but the onslaught of feelings pushed his heart out of the acids of his stomach and into his throat. Faye triggered the flood in more ways than he can count, and he was still drenched.

Now, it was grief that was passing him shortly, but for a different reason. As the resemblance of his past love brought back memories, he expected himself to give in to the misery of having lost her, but all that came was a slight truffle of wind whistling a sweet tune once hummed by her voice. After nearly seeing her all he could conjure up was the slight lullaby of her ­_voice_? He ensued into a grief of not grieving over her, because the guilt bestowed in him was starting to peek through.

She was the only thing he wished for after his hard months of re-jointing his limbs, and yet she was the last thing on his mind.

He cursed Faye for occupying his mind all those months.

And then he cursed himself for remembering that he had allowed her to twist her way into his heart.

He called for the bottle of wine.

* * *

I watched in dismay and shock at the scene that was transpiring a few meters away from me. From the look on his face, I knew she was captivating him again and my heart sank at the forward scene of Spike leaving with Julia. I knew things up until this point were too good to be true, even if they weren't even good to begin with. 

The minutes seemed endless. I looked on as Spike stared at Julia incredulously, as I had expected, but the more they talked the more I saw his face regain its aloof persona. I was confused, because I was more than ready to feel the cold, steely texture of my metaphorical knife stabbing through my heart when I saw Spike's face erupt in happiness. I wasn't expecting the scowl that was slowly filling out his features.

Then suddenly, she walked away. I followed her with my eyes and after she left my view, I turned my vision to Spike and watched him as he seemed to be in a dismal mood. his head down in his hands. I was more than confused; I was flabbergasted. I resisted the urge to go there and start demanding questions from Spike.

This whole happenstance was not what I was expecting.

My heart thudded against my ribs and I realized that I was anxious along with being a tinge hopeful. I felt stupid, sitting here and staring at Spike, waiting for something to come.

"Faye."

I panicked for a second and turned my eyes to Alecto, afraid that he caught me. "I'm sorry, what?"

He smiled a small yet brilliant smile. "No, I was just going to tell you that I'm going to make a quick run to the restroom."

"Oh." I laughed lightly. "Alright."

I waited until Alecto before looking at Spike again, trying to sort out my feelings. I was in a mess, but it seemed that Spike was even more in a shithole than I was. I noticed how his hands held onto his hair tightly, and the deep furrow across his brow. I knew I was looking more into this than necessary, but I needed to know what happened. I kept staring at him, hoping that he would look up sometime soon, preferably before my date came back.

He did, finally. His eyes were potent with anger and humility and my confusion slowed into acute sympathy. His gaze was unwavering and direct, and I didn't dare break away from him. Spike never showed this kind of candidness to anyone voluntarily, and to catch him in that state is a rarity that's almost impossible to uncover. Again I say; I'm not an expert on being able to read Spike's emotions, mostly because he almost never has _any_ to read, but I could pinpoint a single sense of anguish. Only because I've seen that same look in my eyes whenever I looked in the mirror.

Spike kept staring with a strong gaze, and I felt my heart flutter at each second. It seemed that he was trying to read _my_ emotions as well, and I knew that I stupidly left my façade out of this battle and that everything was spilling out of the tight-lipped bottle I dearly held my reservations in. Either my emotions were easy to decipher at the moment, maybe because of my current display of vulnerability – which I adamantly try to cover – or Spike had this uncanny way of knowing how I felt.

Maybe it's because I've long forgotten the hiding place in my heart, as it was now stuffed with this stupid feeling called love.

Either way, I knew that my eyes were showing my swirl of emotions and I knew that Spike was taking them in with his standard stoic and very intent gaze, giving me more of a chill than the air-conditioned atmosphere.

After his gaze was starting to become almost unbearable, and I knew that Alec was going to return at any moment, I blinked and looked away. A few seconds later I looked back at Spike and I knew that that was the last time I would see him look so defeated in a long while.

Alec returned a minute later, and the delicious scent of his cologne wafted into my nose as he sat back in his seat. I smiled at him and we finished our dessert quietly, with Alec commentating once in a while, but my thoughts were nowhere near the topic. My heart was still rattling from the whole thing that happened, and it was leaving my mind relentless and troubled.

As the night wore down, I willed myself to engage into conversation with Alec. I knew that my participation was half-hearted, and I hoped that this would hurry on.

I looked at the clock and noticed that we've been on this date for close to two hours. At the moment, Alec and I were discussing the growing population on Mars, and if it weren't for his milky voice and my obligation to detain him, I would have promptly left the restaurant. Who in their right minds talk about the rise in criminals and wealthy people on _this_ planet?

"Oh geez, look at the time," I heard him say and I looked at him as he was looking at the expensive watch on his wrist. He then pulled his sleeves back down and smiled apologetically. "I didn't realize that we've been here for such a long time."

I flicked my hand frivolously. "You know what they say: 'Time flies when you're having fun.'"

"Shall we head on out?" he asked, and I nodded, resurrecting the bounty huntress. As much as I would have liked to wallow in my confusion and slight misery, I had a job to do, and emotions certainly didn't serve as a lasso.

I wrapped the sheer shawl around my shoulders and while Alec busied himself with paying the check, I opened my purse and took the handcuffs out, hooking them onto the holster underneath my dress. A minute later he was now at my side, helping me out of my seat. I curved my mouth graciously at him and allowed myself to loop my arm around his.

As we exited the restaurant I glanced back to the table and wasn't surprised to see that it was now unoccupied. I sighed inaudibly and readied myself.

Before Alec called on the valet boy, I grabbed his arm and swerved us into the dark alley alongside the restaurant, slamming him against the bricked wall and deftly covered his mouth with mine. His brief surprise was apparent before he responded eagerly, kissing back with the same force I exuded.

To say he was a fabulous kisser is a blatant understatement. He expertly guided me to a near-bliss feeling with his soft-hard kisses and incredible scent.

But I knew better.

Before he could switch positions and _I_ was the one against the wall, I took action. I took the handcuffs from the holster with one hand as the other was busy clutching at the lapel of his designer jacket. I took his bottom lip between my teeth and when I knew I had him fairly distracted, I slid my hand from his chest down his arm until his hand was in my grip.

I pulled away a few seconds later with a smug grin on my face.

I was surprised; however, when Alec didn't have the shocked look on his face as he experimentally tugged at the shackles binding his wrists.

"You are a clever one, Ms. Valentine. To say the least, I was not expecting such a diversion," he said calmly and my eyes narrowed at the smirk gracing his lips which I was nearly abusing not a minute earlier.

"You _knew_ I was after the bounty on your head?"

He shrugged and even in the darkness I saw the gleam in his blue eyes. "Online date services show no mercy in revealing one's true identity, am I right? I mean, that _is_ how you found me, right?"

I stared at him, confusion and annoyance swirling together in a violent storm within me. Not to mention I was already in an emotion marsh as it was. "Then why the hell did you agree to go on the date? Do you _enjoy_ being put into jail?"

Alec's face lost all traces of arrogance and his mouth was no longer set in a derisive smirk; in place was a straight line, hardening his features. He almost reminded me of Spike. _Almost_.

"Faye, there are some things you need to know. You _and_ Spike are both involved in this twisted game that's being played," he said and I froze at Spike's name. I was ready to ignore everything he was saying, pretending to be interested to appease his weird satisfaction of being detained, but I was no longer pretending.

I looked at him hard in the eyes and pointed my gun - I had removed it from underneath my dress along with the cuffs – at his face. He stood there unflinching and staring back at me sternly.

"You know something, and you're going to tell me everything. Got it?" I shoved the gun into his shoulder.

Alec shook his head and leaned towards me. "This isn't the time." His eyes flickered toward my chest. I scowled. "More than likely your comrades are listening to every single word being said at the moment between us, am I right?"

In all honesty, I had forgotten that the microphone was clipped on me, and he was right; in about five minutes Jet would be arriving with the ISSP to take him away. That also meant that Spike was listening, and I knew he was more than curious as to how his name was brought up in conversation – if you could even call this verbal standoff that.

"Faye," he called my name and I flickered my eyes back to his. "In about two week's time, you're going to have some questions for me."

"I have some questions _now_," I interjected but he shook his head.

"Now's not the right time. You have to trust me."

I scoffed. "_Trust_ you? Why the fuck should I?"

"You're going to have no one else to turn to," he replied. I opened my mouth to answer, but the blaring sirens cut off anything that was to come out of my mouth. I growled and leaned away from him. My mind was now shrouded with the heavy pain that I knew would soon form into a headache. Nothing was making sense tonight.

"Faye! Faye, where are you?" Jet's voice was shouting above the sirens and I rolled my eyes at his insistence.

I glanced at Alec.

"In the pocket inside of my jacket, there's a card with my number on it; don't ask any questions – you're going to need that number, and you're going to need to call me."

As wary, pissed off, and puzzled as I was, I reached into his jacket like he told me and quickly pulled out the card. I tucked it into my dress and grabbed his arm, pulling him away from the wall and pushing him towards the street. I decided to go along with everything, and when I had the time – and the right frame of mind – I was going to assess this whole goddamned situation.

We exited the alley and Alec was ushered into the ISSP vehicle without a fight, and Jet rushed towards me with a concerned look upon his weathered face.

"Faye, we heard everything. What the hell's he talking about?" he asked quietly but I shrugged and put my gun away, ignoring him for the moment. I watched as the uniformed officers got into the car and drove away, then my eyes switched to the backseat, looking at Alec in cynical amusement.

"Do me a favor, Jet?" I asked a little while later as the excitement around the restaurant was slightly subdued. Jet glanced at me with his brows raised.

"What?"

"Can you watch Cailin for a little while longer? I'm not going home; I need to clear my head."

Jet characteristically rubbed his hairless head and sent me a withering look. I stared back at him, hoping he wouldn't put up a fight.

He sighed and dropped his mechanical arm. "Alright. Spike's with her now, though he went off somewhere earlier." I held back my scoff.

I turned to go, seeing as how my spacecraft was waiting for me along with the slightly dazed valet boy with my keys. Jet called my name, though, and I turned back around, looking at his worried face as he faltered with his words.

"Be careful, alright?" he finally said and I smiled a little, appreciating the deep concern the man had for me. As detached as I was from him and everyone those months before Spike left, I found Jet to be an actual good person, endearing almost.

I nodded my assurance. "Thanks, Jet." And with that, I turned back around and left him watching me as I boarded my ship, revving it up and taking off with my thoughts squished together in a failed attempt of me making some sort of conclusion of the night.

* * *

Twenty minutes later I landed at a convenience store that _conveniently_ had a bar inside a few miles away from the high-life – as low as it is – and in the mellower district. Well, mellow enough where no one seemed to mind as I parked unceremoniously in front of the entrance. 

I did however receive impious looks from the few men loitering around the store as I walked past them on my way to the bar, their stares not unlike the ones I was given at the restaurant. I ignored them all and sat down in a huff on the barstool, not particularly caring whether my dress hitched up or not.

Now settled down and away from any potential disaster – I unclipped the microphone from my dress – I was able to bathe myself in whatever thoughts that were festering in all corners of my mind. I went backwards in my mind and focused on the issue with Alec, and whatever it was that he was trying to warn me – _us_ – of. Remembering that he had given me a way of direct contact, I reached into my dress and pulled out the card that I retrieved from his pocket.

I flicked it between my fingers, my thoughts now merging onto the date itself and how it was all a lie for both of us. Regardless of how gentlemanly he acted, or how much I had to resist enjoying it fully, it was all just a _job_ for us.

But what in the world was he going on about? I'm no good with puzzles, and I get impatient easily. Two weeks with this lingering heavy on my mind will cause serious damage.

I sighed and tucked it back away, my mind now latching onto another important issue at hand.

_Julia_.

And why Spike refused her like that. Or maybe… he wasn't refusing her and they were planning to have some rendezvous some other time, just to get away from everything. And everyone. Get away from me, from Cailin. He was going to run away with her.

I scowled and rested my elbows on the table, my hands rubbing at the ache pounding against each side of my head.

How the _hell _did my life get so complicated?

The sound of a dull thud was more surprising to me than it should've been, and I jumped away from the bar counter, my eyes wide with panic. I looked at whatever made the sound and saw a glass in front of me, and then I raised my eyes to see a kind-looking woman looking down at me with smiling and amused eyes.

I watched silently as she took a bottle and filled the glass up for me.

"You looked like you needed something hard," she said and I gratefully took the drink and drank halfway before setting it back down. The burning of the whiskey was delightfully soothing as it made its way down my throat, scratching at the fleshy walls.

"Thanks."

She leaned her voluptuous self against the bar and peered at me speculatively. "Now, what's a girl like you doing here dressed like that?"

I sighed and played with a strand of hair hanging sneeringly in front of my face. "Life," I said and the woman smiled gently, easing her features to an almost maternal guise.

"Life isn't meant to be wallowed over. It's meant to be taken in stride. I've seen how life deals bad cards to people," she said and I looked over at her. "You're too young to be looking so distressed about life though, honey."

I scoffed gently. "Believe me, I've lived long _enough_ that I've been dealt plenty of shitty cards by life," I said disdainfully, shaking my head.

Something came over me at that moment and that bottle I've been keeping so tight-lipped seemed to be shaking fiercely, threatening everything to come spilling out in one crashing wave. I heaved a deep breath and prepared myself for something that probably would resemble a soul-bearing session. Seemed pretty whiny of me, but either that or I was going to do some physical harm to something pretty soon.

"Can I tell you something…?" I left the question hanging and the woman smiled.

"Karen."

I nodded. "Faye. Well Karen, can I tell you something?"

She looked behind me and I turned my head to see the store now empty except for us and when I glanced at the clock above the shelf behind her I noticed that it was close to eleven.

Karen turned back to me and gestured openly. "Sure thing, Faye. What's on your mind?"

It was then that I took the cue to have a verbal mudslide, relaying practically every single problem I've had with life since awakening, first by telling her what had transpired this evening to going backwards and to the stiff relationship Spike (I left out names for good measure) and I have at the moment, to how we _accomplished_ said relationship, including everything from Cailin being born to our one night together and further back to his leaving and entering back into our lives. I told her how deep into shit love I was and how I would never expect to have his heart when it was still far off somewhere in the cold past hidden in his eye.

I didn't ask for her sympathy, just a lending ear, and I got it. It was nice to know that she was listening and taking it all in with a wise ear and a hard heart.

I finally finished, my mind somewhat clearer yet hazy from the various anecdotes I provided, the drawn memories swirling like smoke in my head and allowing me to relive all those damn emotions. I took a deep breath.

After a minute, Karen smiled sadly. "Dear, if you don't mind me saying," she paused and glanced at me, continuing when I nodded, "But you've set yourself up for heartbreak."

I shook my head and laughed, the words sounding more true and bitter coming from someone else's mouth.

"Don't I know it."

I called for another shot.

* * *

**A/N: **Well, that should answer the imperious question following chapter VI concerning Julia's state of living. She's dead - it was all just an honest mistake on both parts, hah. 

Really, three months isn't too bad. It's yet again four in the morning when I'm updating a story, but it's routinely by now. Hopefully I'll keep this up, and hopefully (pray for it) the update intervals will slowly decrease, maybe down to one month?

...Yeah right.

Thanks again for the lovely reviews!


End file.
